THE GRAPES OF SAN MARCO

A Romantic Comedy

"A wealthy, American-Italian Century City banker, in search of his heritage,
goes to Italy - against the advice of his mother - "Don't go! They're all crazy!"
and is held for ransom by the relatives, but through the chaos finds love."
 
ORIGINAL MUSIC FOR THE FILM
WELCOME GINA'S THEME HEY GOOMBAH 
THE SECRET SAN MARCO
THE VIEW  THE MASK DANCE  
©Mark Anthony Publishing BMI - ©Library of Congress
Synopsis Teatment
MOVIE MAGIC SCREENWRITER
FINAL DRAFT
*
(The script can also be read in MicroSoft Word below if neither of the above
software programs are available. Unfortunately, dialogue is uneven, but accurate)

EXT. RODEO DRIVE - BEVERLY HILLS - THE PRESENT - DAY

Bank President, MARK MONACO, distinguished, middle 30's, dressed stylish, drives his Mercedes down Sunset Boulevard. He stops at a RED LIGHT, TAPS his fingers nervously on the steering wheel. He grimaces and cringes as cars BEEP their horns and DRIVERS SHOUT at each other.

DRIVER 1
Why the hell don't you learn how to drive, you idiot?

DRIVER 2
Why the hell don't you stop tailgating me, you jerk?

The LIGHT changes. The drivers SPEED away as Mark turns onto Rodeo Drive. After a short drive past luxurious homes and then exclusive stores, he SCREECHES into the underground parking of Beverly Hills International Bank.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS INTERNATIONAL BANK PLAZA

Mark exits the parking structure and walks into the crowded bank plaza. A big Banner reads, "Los Angeles Ethnic Awareness Week." Diverse GROUPS: Latino, African American, Japanese, Italian, Armenian, Russian, etc., dressed in their ethnic attire, entertain, sell jewelry, art and food. Mexican Mariachi BAND PLAYS on a portable stage.

Mark looks with interest as he walks toward Tony's Barber Shop, a few doors from the bank, and enters.

INT. TONY'S BARBER SHOP - CONTINUOUS

Italian film stars and Italian travel posters decorate the walls. Tony finishes tacking up a poster.

MARK
Well, Tony, I see you've decorated
the shop for the occasion.

TONY
Just celebrating our Italian heritage,
Mr. Monaco. Have a chair.

Mark sits in a barber chair. Tony puts an apron around him.

MARK
I guess I'm not very Italian for being
Italian. Since my father passed away,
my family has assimilated into the mainstream.

TONY
We all have. But I think it nice to remember
our roots, and celebrate them once in a while.

Mark contemplates Tony's words as Tony trims his hair.

TONY (CONT'D)
So, how's it going, Mr. Monaco?

MARK
I think I need to get away for a while.

TONY
Hey...why don't you take a trip to
Italy and visit your relatives, like
I did last year. I had a ball.

MARK
I never thought of that. But to tell you
the truth, I don't have any idea who my
relatives are or where they live.

TONY
I bet someone in your family knows.
Check it out.

Tony continues cutting Mark's hair.

EXT. OUTSIDE BARBER SHOP - CONTINUOUS

Tony and Mark look at the stage as ITALIAN SINGERS, MUSICIANS and DANCERS now perform. Mark smiles, TAPS his foot and nods his head in time to the music. Tony watches Mark.

MARK
I haven't heard the song since I was kid.

TONY
See, you still remember. Maybe you're
more Italian than you think you are,
Mr. Monaco.

Mark smiles, nods farewell to Tony, and walks toward the bank HUMMING along with the music.

INT. BEVERLY HILLS INTERNATIONAL BANK - CONTINUOUS

Mark enters, EMPLOYEES dressed in diverse ethnic garments.

EMPLOYEE 1
Good morning, Mr. Monaco.

MARK
(nods)
Good morning.

EMPLOYEE 2
Good morning, Mr. Monaco.

MARK
Good morning.

Mark smiles and nods to other EMPLOYEES as he walks toward a door with "Mark Monaco-President," printed on it, and enters.

INT. MARK'S OFFICE

Italian MUSIC from the plaza FILTERS softly into his office. Mark looks out the window and watches Italians perform. Once again, he nods his head to the music. INTERCOM BUZZES. Mark sits at his desk, FLIPS INTERCOM SWITCH.

GIRL
Mr. San Juan, calling from Argentina.

MARK
(picks up phone)
Hello, Mr. San Juan. How are you? -- Good, good.
I looked over your loan papers and I'm afraid
there's not enough collateral to okay the loan.
Three hundred million dollars is a lot of money --
All right, talk it over with your associates and get
back to me -- Sounds good. Good-bye.

CHINESE SECRETARY in colorful Chinese-print dress enters and puts two folders on Mark's desk. Mark studies the girl.

JENNIFER WONG
Here's the folders you wanted, Mr. Monaco.

MARK
Thank you, Jennifer. Very nice outfit you're wearing.

JENNIFER
Thank you, Mr. Monaco. I bought it in Hong Kong
last year, while I was visiting my relatives.
Is there anything else you wanted?

MARK
Yes. Tell Shannon that I want to see her.

JENNIFER
Yes, Mr. Monaco.

Jennifer leaves. Mark peruses the two folders. Shortly, attractive, sharply dressed, SHANNON HILL, Mark's trustworthy vice-president, enters.

SHANNON HILL
You wanted to see me, Mark?

MARK
Yes, Shannon. I want you to take care of these.

Mark hands Shannon the two folders.

MARK
I'm going to pass on the Malibu property.
The interest rate is too high, and the default
rate makes it risky. However, let's buy the
Denver and Indiana Bank portfolios.

SHANNON
I'll take care of it, Mark.

MARK
Thanks, Shannon.

Shannon leaves. Mark opens another folder. He subconsciously taps his pen on the desk to the Italian MUSIC from outside. INTERCOM BUZZES. Mark FLIPS INTERCOM SWITCH.

GIRL
Bank president, Nino Lombardo, calling from
the Bank of Rome.

MARK
(picks up phone)
Nino, how are you? How are things in the
beautiful city of Rome?

INT. BANK OFFICE - ROME, ITALY - LATE AFTERNOON

Nino Lombardo, middle aged with a cherubic face, nudges soccer ball around his office with his foot as he talks.

NINO
(Always Italian accent)
Bene. Molto bene, Marco. When are you
coming to visit? I know I've asked you
several times, but you really should
come and visit the "Old Country."

MARK
You're the second person to ask me that today.

NINO
See. It's an omen. The time has come, Marco.
Come see the beauty of Italy. Maybe even
look up your relatives. Who knows, you may
be related to Leonardo DA Vinci.

MARK
(smiles)
That's an interesting concept. Hmmm.
Anyhow, how's business?

INT. ANOTHER OFFICE IN NINO'S BANK IN ITALY

Shifty-eyed MAN, with his hand over the phone, listens to Mark and Nino talk.

INT. NINO'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

NINO
I have a little situation.

MARK
Is there anything I can do to help?

NINO
I need a loan of 400 million. I was negotiating
with a local bank at a very low rate. Then
I heard rumors that the bank may be involved
in laundering drug money, so I backed out. Since then,
they've been pressuring me to borrow the money.

INT. MARK'S OFFICE BEVERLY HILLS - CONTINUOUS

MARK
That does sound suspicious. I think we can
work things out; we always have.

NINO
Thanks, Marco. I can fly to L.A. tomorrow.
I'd like to expedite matters, if that's
okay with you?

Mark stands, looks out the window at the Italian performers.

MARK
Tell you what, Nino. Maybe, just maybe,
I'll come there. What the hell!
I could use a vacation.

NINO
That's fantastic!

MARK
I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

NINO
Okay. If you decided to come,
I'll make all the arrangements.

MARK
That would be great. Ciao, Nino.

NINO
Ciao, Marco.

INT. ANOTHER OFFICE IN NINO'S BANK IN ITALY - CONTINUOUS

The shifty-eyed man gently puts the phone down, looks around suspiciously, then DIALS.

SHIFTY-EYED MAN
I want to speak to Carmine Bellanazzo.

INT. BEVERLY HILLS BANK - CONTINUOUS

Mark walks to office door of "Shannon Hill-Vice President." Opens the door sees Shannon working at her desk.

MARK
Shannon, I'm thinking about going to Italy
on business and a short vacation in a day
or so. Are you clear to take over, if
I decide to go?

SHANNON
You know you can count on me, Mark.

MARK
Great. Thanks, Shannon.

INT. DINING ROOM JOSEPHINE MONACO'S PLUSH HOME - NIGHT

Mark at the dinner table with his well-to-do, snobbish mother, JOSEPHINE, (wearing a crucifix). Also, his pompous, balding, older brother, VINCENT, an attorney, (sporting a very large Italian mustachio). Also Mark's handsome, conceited, playboy cousin, GUY, and his pretty finance, FELICE. PAVAROTTI SINGS "O Solo Mio" on the CD player. Mark in jovial mood as they dine on Italian food.

MARK
...and since I speak enough Italian to get by,
I thought after I take care of business
and see some sights, I may even look
up some relatives.

JOSEPHINE
I wouldn't do that!

MARK
Why not?

JOSEPHINE
I never told you this before, but your
late father came from a Dr. Jekyll and
Mr. Hyde family.

MARK
You mean they're like us?

Mark smiles, Josephine and Vincent frown, Guy indifferent. Felice fights off a smile.

JOSEPHINE
Your sense of humor eludes me, Mark.
I wish you could visit my family but
they disowned me when I married
your father. They didn't think much
of his family, and never dreamed he'd
become a successful banker.

VINCENT
Why would you want to visit father's
relatives at all? We have absolutely nothing
in common with those people.

JOSEPHINE
Your brother, Vincent, is right, Mark.
We're totally American now.

Mark holds up his fork with a meatball on it.

MARK
Really? If that's the case, how come we're
eating spaghetti and meatballs, drinking wine
and listening to Pavarotti sing "O Sole Mio?"

Vincent and Josephine frown again, Guy indifferent. Felice smiles at Mark.

VINCENT
Personally, I find it hard to think of myself
as Italian anymore. Pass the spaghetti and
meatballs, will you Mark.

Mark shakes his head and with a patronizing look passes the spaghetti and meatballs. Josephine CLINKS her glass with a spoon. All look her way.

JOSEPHINE
I have an announcement. Guy and Felice have
finally decided to get married.

VINCENT
It's about time. Congratulations!

MARK
(raises his wine glass)
Here's to Felice and Guy.

All raise their glasses. Guy quickly sips his wine and then continues eating with an aloof look.

FELICE
(studies Guy)
Are we boring you, Guy?

GUY
I just hope after we're married, I get
to see you once in a while. You're always
busy helping your father run his business.

FELICE
I can't help it if he owns half the real estate
in town! Let's be honest. When I have time,
you're traveling around the country selling
imported Italian olive oil!

JOSEPHINE
(forced smile)
Now, now, you two. Let's be like everyone
else and save the arguments until after
you're married. I just hope I live long enough
to announce Mark's marriage.

MARK
(patronizing smile)
Mother, I'm only thirty-five.

JOSEPHINE
Don't remind me.

MARK
By the way, Mother, where do our
relatives live in Italy?

JOSEPHINE
They live in a small town in southern Italy
called San Marco in Lamis.

MARK
Maybe father exaggerated about his family?
After all, we're cultured, professional people.
They have the same blood.

VINCENT
Stop smelling the garlic, Mark. We're not
Italian any more. Pass the pizza with the olives,
anchovies and pepperoni, would you?

MARK
I'll be glad to...Vini

VINCENT
The name is Vincent, not Vini!

Mark smiles and passes the pizza. Phone RINGS, Josephine answers.

JOSEPHINE
Hello. -- What! -- What! It's for you guy.
Some hysterical women says you're the
father of her baby!

Eyes open wide, sheepish expression, Guy walks to the phone.

INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL - EVENING

Mark follows PASSENGERS through the metal detector and then walks toward the Alitalia airline boarding ramp and then onto the plane.

INT. ALITALIA AIRPLANE - CONTINUOUS

Mark finds his seat, gets settled. Warning light reads, "FASTEN SEAT BELTS." PASSENGERS fasten their seat belts. Mark studies the MAN next to him dressed in African dashiki and cap, nods, smiles.

EXT. AIRPORT RUNWAY

Plane TAXIS on runway and then TAKES OFF.

INT. AIRPLANE IN FLIGHT

Mark engaged in conversation with the man next to him.

MARK
...So, you've been to Rome before.

JAMAL
Oh, yes. Several times. What about you?

MARK
No. This is my first time. Are you going to
Rome on business?

JAMAL
No. I'm on my way home by way of Rome.
I was lecturing at the University of
Southern California.

MARK
Really. What was the subject of your lecture?

JAMAL
Genealogy. I'm a professor of genealogy at
Nairobi University, Kenya. My name is
Dr. Jamal Kenabi

MARK
My name is Mark Monaco.
(they shake hands)
I'm going to Italy on business, and
then I'm going to look up my relatives,
who I've never seen before.

JAMAL
Really. I can't tell you how much I enjoy
meeting someone who has a thirst for
their heritage.

MARK
The more I think about it, the more
I'm looking forward to meeting my relatives.

JAMAL
Who knows, after your visit, you may want
to write a book like "Roots."

MARK
That's a thought. Of course, I can't call it "Roots."
How about if I call it Grapes or even Garlic?

JAMAL
(smiles politely)
Well...I have to admit they're catchy titles.

EXT. AIRPLANE IN FLIGHT - NIGHT

EXT. THE SMALL TOWN OF SAN MARCO, ITALY - MORNING

Panorama of hills, the piazza, the church, and the town.

Timeworn sign on a beat-up house reads: "Antonio Monaco - Mortician." GOAT grazes on scorched, weed-covered lawn. CHICKENS CLUCK loudly as they SCRAMBLE from a speeding ROOSTER. Church bells RING in the distance.

(Although written straight, all Italians will speak English with an Italian accent throughout the script. A few Italian words will be inserted occasionally for effect.)

INT. HOUSE - MORNING

Tyrannical ANTONIO MONACO, waves his hands as he vents his frustrations to his wife, DOMENICA. His older son, handsome, well-built GIUSEPPE, 24, primps before a mirror, while second son, virtuous, scholarly-looking UMBERTO, 22, straightens a religious painting on the wall.

ANTONIO
It looks like the end, Domenica. Unless somebody
dies pretty soon we're gonna lose the funeral business.

DOMENICA
(looks to the heavens-blesses herself)
God will send a miracle.

ANTONIO
How did I wind up a mortician in a town
where no one's died in seven years!

Antonio grimaces, stabs his heart with an invisible knife.

UMBERTO
The "old ones" say it's the wine we drink,
and that the grapes are blessed.

ANTONIO
Bah! That's nothing but superstition. I wished
I lived in America. If I did I'd be a
millionaire, the way they kill each other
over there. Sometimes I feel like shooting
someone, just so we can have a funeral.

GIUSEPPE
(jokingly)
You don't have to shoot anyone, Papa.
Just think of some way to have "Old Man Sticco"
accidentally slip or run off the road while
he's jogging along the side the mountain path.

DOMENICA
Giuseppe! Mario Sticco is my cousin! He's
99 years old. Don't ever say something like
that again. He's a generous, saintly man. Why,
only today, he made me sole beneficiary in his will.

Antonio totally taken aback. Rubs his chin in thought.

EXT. TOP OF A HILL - LATER

Antonio and his sons, balance a huge, empty wine barrel that teeters on the edge of a hill overlooking a dirt path below.

GIUSEPPE
Papa! I was only kidding about Mario!

ANTONIO
Well, I'm not.

UMBERTO
This is murder, Papa!

ANTONIO
It's not murder! We're not gonna drop
the wine barrel on top of Mario. We're gonna
drop it in front of him.

UMBERTO
But he has high blood pressure.

ANTONIO
Hey, that's his problem.

UMBERTO
But how can I become a priest if I help kill someone?

ANTONIO
(shrugs)
It's simple; don't tell anyone. Look, Umberto,
when we drop the barrel, he's gonna die
of natural causes, like a stroke or a
heart attack. Now, how is that murder?

GIUSEPPE
Give up, Umberto. It's no use.

ANTONIO
(sees Mario)
Quiet. Here he comes.

BOTTOM OF THE HILL: Ancient, 99 YEAR OLD MARIO STICCO, wearing hip sunglasses and a bright colored Michael Jordan jogging outfit and Nike basketball shoes, shuffle-jogs very slowly with his dog, CAESAR. PEBBLES SLIDE down the hill. Caesar looks up suspiciously, and quickly runs up the hill.

TOP OF THE HILL: As Antonio and his sons are about to push the barrel off the hill, Caesar appears. The dog stalks and SNARLS menacingly. The men freeze. Unable to hold the barrel any longer, Antonio and his sons flee back down their side of the hill as the barrel CRASHES down behind them.

BOTTOM OF THE HILL: SCREAMS of anguish from Antonio and his sons fill the air from the top of the hill. Mario stops, shakes his hearing aid, shrugs, and then starts jogging as tail-wagging Caesar rejoins him.

INT. ROME TERMINAL - DAY

Mark and Jamal walk through the terminal with their baggage. They wave good-bye and walk in different directions.

TV REPORTER, CARLO VINTO, and CAMERAMAN approach Mark.

CARLO VINTO
Signore. My name is Carlo Vinto. I host a
TV show called First Visit to Rome.
Is this your first visit?

MARK
Yes, it is.

CARLO VINTO
May I have a few words with you?

MARK
I guess so.

REPORTER
What is your name, Signore?

MARK
Mark Monaco.

CARLO VINTO
Ah, you're American, but you're Italian, too. No?

MARK
Yes, my parents were born in San Marco in Lamis,
in Southern Italy.

CARLO VINTO
Wonderful. What brought you to Rome?

MARK
I'm here on business and to see the beauty
of Italy. And, I hope to go to San Marco and
meet my relatives for the first time.

CARLO VINTO
Ah, you haven't forgot your Italian roots.
I'm sure they'll greet you with open arms.
On behalf of the citizens of Rome I want
to welcome you and wish you a very pleasant
visit. Thank you, Signore.

Mark nods to Carlo Vinto and walks toward the exit.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - SUNSET

Mark unpacks his suitcase. He hears church BELLS and walks out onto his balcony.

EXT. BALCONY - SUNSET

Mark basks in the view of Rome-the multitude of pigeons in flight, church bells ringing, the sunset. Someone KNOCKS at the door. Mark walks back inside.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Mark OPENS the door. Meek, little man stands at the door.

DOMINICK
Scusi, Signore. My name is Dominick Perky. I have
the room next to you. My phone isn't working.
May I use your phone to make a local phone call?

MARK
Sure, come on in.

DOMINICK
Grazie, signore.

Dominick walks to the phone and DIALS. Mark takes his shaving kit into the bathroom and pulls the door closed behind him. However, the door remains open a crack.

INT. BATHROOM

As he unpacks his shaving kit, Mark hears a SCUFFLE and the meek, little man SHOUTING. Mark peeks out through the crack in the door and sees TWO GANGSTER-TYPES manhandling Dominick.

DOMINICK
What are you men doing? Let me go! Let me go!

GANGSTER 1
Don't worry, Signore Monaco, we're not
gonna harm you. We're just gonna keep you
incommunicado for a while.

The two men gag terrified Dominick and drag him out the door. After a few seconds, Mark cautiously walks out of the bathroom to the front door and cautiously locks it. He quickly re-packs his suitcase. When he finishes, he peeks out into the hallway, sees no one, and hurries out the door.

EXT. HOTEL

Mark rushes from the hotel with his suitcase. He looks for a cab, but can't find one. He then hurries down the street and into a phone booth.

INT. PHONE BOOTH

Mark fumbles trying to find the right change. DROPS coins, picks them up, finally INSERTS the coins into slot, DIALS.

MARK
Hello. Nino? Two men just tried to kidnap me!
Instead, they kidnapped a man who had the
room next to me.

NINO
This is terrible! Where are you calling from?

Mark looks out at the street signs.

MARK
I'm at the corner of Via Vento and Columbus, up the
street from the hotel.

NINO
Don't leave there. I'm on my way.

Mark exits the phone booth and sits on a bus bench next to a stoplight waiting for Nino. To his amazement, the gangster's car pulls up in front of him with Dominick, mouth duct taped, in the back seat. As the gangsters wait for the traffic light to change, Dominick looks at Mark with bulging eyes for help. Mark is helpless. The driver casually glances over at Mark then back at the signal. Signal changes and the car DRIVES away. Mark writes down the license number and then paces. Nino's limo arrives, SCREECHES to a stop. CHAUFFEUR gets out, opens the door for Mark. Mark hurries in, limo SCREECHES away.

INT. LIMO - CONTINUOUS

NINO
I didn't think these men would resort to this.

MARK
What men? Resort to what? You know
something about this?

NINO
I think it's the men who wanted to launder
their dirty money through my bank. It appears
they don't want you to loan me the money.

MARK
But how did they know I was going to
loan you the money or where I was
staying? You're the only one who knew that.

NINO
Maybe someone tapped your phone.

MARK
Or yours. Anyhow, I got their license
number. The kidnapped man's name is
Dominick Perky. Let's go to the police
station and report this right now.

NINO
Ah...tell you what. Under the circumstances,
I think we best transact our business now,
and you immediately return to the United
States on the next plane. I'm only thinking
of your safety. After, I'll go to the police
and report the kidnapping.

MARK
I didn't come all the way to Italy just to go back!
-- Wait! I have an idea. I'll go visit my relatives
in San Marco. No one will look for me there.
Meanwhile, maybe you can find out what's going on.

NINO
If that's what you want. You can catch a plane
to Bari. It's the closest city to San Marco.
Then take a cab there. I don't think we should
communicate directly by phone or e-mail.
I know a banker in San Marco. I'll have him
contact you and he can contact me through
someone in Rome. It might be wise to remain
totally incognito there. They may even have
your family's phone tapped back in the
United States, so I wouldn't contact anyone there.
Who knows what these men might do.
Maybe you shouldn't even tell your relatives
in San Marco that you're a banker.

MARK
You're right. I wouldn't want them involved in this.

NINO
(to chauffeur)
To the airport, Nunzio.

Nunzio nods. Mark opens his briefcase, Mark and Nino look over documents, transact business.

EXT. AIRPORT - CONTINUOUS

Limo arrives at the airport terminal. Mark and Nino exit limo and walk to the main entrance.

MARK
Now go to the police and give them the
license number. The man they kidnapped could
be in great danger.

NINO
I'll take care of it. Do you want me to
go into the airport with you?

MARK
I can handle it.

Mark takes out his cell phone and gives it to Nino.

MARK
Destroy this will you? I don't know if
anyone can trace me through this, but
why take a chance.

NINO
I'll take care of it. Listen. I want you to stay
at the Hotel Leonardo DA Vinci in San Marco.
My friend will contact you there. It's the best
hotel in town. I stayed there once. Ciao, my friend.
And thanks again for the loan.

Men shake hands, Mark enters terminal. Nino watches Mark leave, SIGHS in relief, hurries to limo, limo SCREECHES away.

INT. LIMO - CONTINUOUS

Nunzio smoking a cigarette. Nino pulls a cigar from his pocket, bites off the tip and puts the cigar into his mouth. He holds the piece of paper with the license number on it in one hand, lights a match, puts it to the paper with the license number on it, and then lights his cigar from the burning paper. He takes a puff, and then squashes the burnt paper into the ash tray.

NINO
I wonder what Mark would have done if
he knew the man who owns the bank who
wanted to loan me the dirty money, and
tried to kidnap him, is undoubtedly my
dear cousin, Carmine Bellanazzo.

NUNZIO
You might not have got the loan, Uncle Nino.

NINO
That's exactly why I didn't tell him. However,
I can't call the police on Cousin Carmine,
even if he is a crook. Why, the family would
disown me. Besides, who knows how long it
will take for Carmine to realize he's kidnapped
the wrong man. By then, my loan will have cleared.

NUNZIO
You don't think Uncle Carmine will hurt
the man they kidnapped when they find out he's
not Mark Monaco?

NINO
No. Carmine is not the violent type.

The limo SPEEDS away. Nino puffs contentedly on his cigar.

EXT. AIRPORT - CITY OF BARI - NIGHT

Airplane LANDS. SIGN reads WELCOME TO BARI. Mark exits terminal. CAB DRIVER OPENS the door to his cab. Mark enters. The cab DRIVES off, driver SINGS opera aria.

INT. TAXI CAB - CONTINUOUS

Taxi passes over a dilapidated bridge. Mark bounces around in the back seat.

MARK
It feels like this bridge is ready to collapse.

TAXI DRIVER
It better not. It's the only way in or out of San Marco.

MARK
You mean if the collapses, I'd be stuck in town?

TAXI DRIVER
That's right.

MARK
Why doesn't someone fix it?

TAXI DRIVER
The crusaders fixed it in the 13th century
on their way to the Holy Land. Maybe they'll
fix it when they come back. What do you think?

Driver turns, looks at Mark with a straight face, then LAUGHS. Mark smiles as he continues to bounce in the back seat.

EXT. SAN MARCO - MIDNIGHT

Taxi enters town, stops in front of Hotel Leonardo DA Vinci.

CAB DRIVER
Here we are, signore.

Mark gets out of cab, pays driver, takes his luggage, walks into lobby of hotel.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY - CONTINUOUS

MUSIC PLAYS from lounge off lobby. People LAUGHING, glasses CLINKING. Mark carries his bags to the front desk.

CLERK
Good evening, Signore. Would you sign
the register, please?

As Mark signs the register, two sexy, young girls - LENA and LUNA PAZZERELLO - sashay into the hotel snapping their fingers and gyrating to the music coming from the lounge. They stop when they see and hear the desk clerk talking to Mark.

MARK
Can you wake me at nine o'clock in the morning?

CLERK
Si, Signore Monaco. I see by the register that you're an American. Is this your first visit?

MARK
Yes, it is.

CLERK
Will you be staying long?

MARK
A week, maybe longer.

CLERK
Have a pleasant visit, Signore Monaco.
Here's your key. Room 231.

The sisters watch Mark as he walks from the desk.

LENA
He looks like he has lots of money, Luna.
Not only that, he's very handsome.

LUNA
He's gotta nice buns, too.

Palms up, Luna moves her hands up and down mimicking grabbing Mark's fanny. The girls GIGGLE.

INT. LOUNGE

The sisters strut into the lounge snapping their fingers to the MUSIC. MEN slyly nod at the girls with an expression of lust. The girls sit at the bar and the BARTENDER automatically puts drinks in front of them.

LENA
I heard a rumor today that they may
close the vineyards?

LUNA
Me, too. I don't know what we'll do if
they do. I don't know how to do anything
else but pick grapes.

LENA
We may have to find some rich man
to marry one of us.

LUNA
How? All the rich men in San Marco are married,
old or ugly, and besides, want nothing to do with us.

The girls sit in contemplation. After a bit, Mark enters the lounge and, by chance, stands at the bar next to the sisters. The girls see Mark and GIGGLE childishly.

BARTENDER
What would you like, Signore?

MARK
Anisette, please.

The Bartender nods and walks away. The girls smile with overly sexy expressions at Mark.

LENA
Hi. My name is Lena Pazzerello, and
this is my sister, Luna.

MARK
Hi. My name is Marco Monaco.

LUNA
Glad to know you, Marco. We happened to
overhear you say that this is your first
visit to Italy.

MARK
Yes, it is.

LENA
Well, if there's anything we can do
to make your visit more enjoyable...you know...

Lena puffs out her breasts. Mark smiles politely. Bartender returns with the anisette. Mark sips his drink. The girls continue GIGGLING with their overly sexy expressions.

MARK
It was nice meeting you girls, but
I have to get to sleep. Good night.

Mark downs his drink, smiles and leaves.

LENA
Luna...I'll make you a bet. I'll bet you
my gold rosary, you know, the one that
was blessed by the bishop, against your
gold earrings of Saint Giuseppina, that
I can sleep with Mark more times than you.

LUNA
Lena! That's sacrilegious!
(gradual slow smile)
It's a bet! This is war, Lena.

Girls GIGGLE childishly.

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY

As Mark unlocks his door, he sees a handsome, YOUNG MAN, with long hair, and a pretty, YOUNG WOMAN leave the room next to his. The young couple GIGGLE, embrace, kiss passionately, and don't notice Mark as he enters his room.

INT. MARK'S HOTEL ROOM - LATER

Mark gets into bed. KNOCK at the door. Mark gets up and opens the door. Lena Pazzerello, holding handkerchief over one eye, wiggles past him in a state of feigned anguish.

LENA
Please, help me, Mark. I have
something in my eye.

Lena sits on the bed. Mark shakes his head, shrugs, walks to Lena, looks into her eye. Lena pulls him on the bed, rolls over on top of him and kisses him passionately.

MARK
Lena, what are you doing?
We hardly know each other.

LENA
What's there to know? I'm Lena, you're Mark.
I'm Italian, you're Italian. Let's do it.
You don't wanna hurt my feelings, do you?
(feigned sobbing)

MARK
Well, no. I certainly wouldn't want
to do that, but...but....

INT. LOUNGE - CONTINUOUS

Luna looks at her watch, takes her handbag and leaves.

INT. MARK'S HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Mark sits on side of his bed, disheveled, exhausted, bewildered as Lena finishes dressing.

LENA
When do you want me to come back?
In an hour, tomorrow morning, tomorrow
afternoon. I want those earrings!

MARK
What earrings?

Lena sashays out door. Exhausted, Mark falls back on his bed and stares at the ceiling. A KNOCK at the door. Mark staggers to door, peeks out. Luna Pazzerello, holding a handkerchief over one eye, wiggles in past him and sits on the bed.

LUNA
(feigned anguish)
Please, help me, Marco. I have something in my eye.

Mark looks to the heavens for help, slowly closes the door.

INT. HOTEL ROOM - NEXT MORNING

Mark ready to go out, hears KNOCK on the door. Peeks out apprehensively. Sees professional looking MAN, opens door.

MR.BERTELLI
Buon Giorno, Signore Monaco. My name is A
Angelo Bertelli. Mr. Lombardo in Rome told
me to contact you. Here is my card.
(gives Mark a card)
You can come by the bank, I'm in the
town plaza, or call me any time, if you wish to
contact Mr. Lombardo.

MARK
Thank you very much, Mr. Bertelli.

Mr. Bertelli nods and leaves.

EXT. STREET - MORNING - CONTINUOUS

Mark walks around the town looking in shops, at the people, the church. He sees a sign, "Pagliacci's Car Rentals." As he walks toward the office, Mr. Pagliacci walks out smiling and starts SINGING opera. Mr. Pagliacci puts his arm around Mark and walks him inside the office.

EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - LATER

Mark DRIVES through the countryside, past a vineyard and then to the top of a hill. As he views the beauty, he notices three men on a distant hill struggling to hold a huge boulder on top of the hill. Then he sees an old man shuffling slowly below them with his dog. He watches as the dog scampers up the hill and SNARLS and BARKS at the men. The men panic and run as the boulder CRASHES down the hill behind them. Mark shakes his head, gets in his car and DRIVES away.

INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

Mark drives down a bumpy dirt road looking at addresses on houses. He stops and looks with dismay at the run-down Monaco house with a goat grazing on the scrawny front lawn.

EXT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

Mark gets out of his car, walks to the door, takes a deep BREATH and KNOCKS. Antonio answers the door.

MARK
Excuse me, Signore. Are you Antonio Monaco?

ANTONIO
Don't you bill collectors ever give up? Get lost!

Antonio SLAMS the door in Mark's face. Mark bewildered. After a few seconds, he KNOCKS again, Antonio opens the door.

MARK
I'm not a bill collector. I'm your
nephew, Marco. The son of your brother, Luca.
My mother is Josephine La Cipolla.
I'm from America.

Antonio walks back and forth eyeballing Mark up and down.

ANTONIO
Well...you do look a little bit like him.
So...what'a ya want?

Mark looks at Antonio, speechless.

DOMENICA
Who is it, Antonio?

ANTONIO
He say he's my brother Luca's son from
America. His name is Marco.

DOMENICA
What? Well, don't just stand there.
Invite him in.

Antonio shrugs indifferently, Dominicka comes to the door, takes Mark's arm and leads him into the house.

INT. MONACO LIVING ROOM

DOMENICA
Welcome, Marco. What a surprise.

ANTONIO
Well, as long as you're here, you might as well
have one glass of wine.

MARK
Gee, thanks.

DOMENICA
Giuseppe! Umberto! Come meet your cousin
from America.

The brothers enter the room and shake hands with Mark.

DOMENICA
Marco, this is my son, Giuseppe.

MARK
How do you do, Giuseppe?

GIUSEPPE
It's nice to meet you.

DOMENICA
And this is my son, Umberto.

UMBERTO
Pleasure to meet you, Marco. I often
wondered if we'd ever meet any of our
relatives from America.

MARK
Well, here I am.

DOMENICA
Let's all sit at the table and have a glass of wine.

All sit at table, Domenica pours the wine.

DOMENICA
When did you arrive in town, Marco?

MARK
Last night. I got up early and drove through
the town, out to the vineyard and through
the hills. I wanted to see San Marco.

GIUSEPPE
Did you see anything interesting?

MARK
Not exactly interesting, more like strange.
I was standing on a hill and saw a very
old man jogging with his dog and three....

Antonio, sons look at each other in sudden alarm.

DOMENICA
(interrupts)
That must have been my cousin, Mario,
and his dog, Caesar. Mario is 99 years old.

MARK
That's amazing.
(studies Antonio/sons)
You know, this may sound funny, but you
look just like the men I saw....

ANTONIO
(jumps up-interrupts)
Well, it's time we get to the festival. We don't
wanna miss Bruno Zampezzi sing.

DOMENICA
Marco, we're going to the Saint Mark's fund
raiser fiesta in town. He's our patron saint.
You must come with us and meet some of your relatives?

MARK
I'd really like that. I'm dying to see what
they're like. Can I drive you all there?

DOMENICA
Wonderful. We don't have a car.

Domenica takes Mark's arm. Antonio and his sons look at Mark nervously as they follow him to his car.

EXT. TOWN PIAZZA - DAY

PEOPLE crowd the town piazza. A BAND PLAYS on stage. Domenica introduces Mark to relatives, who smile, shake his hand and kiss him on the cheek. Antonio, Umberto and Giuseppe disappear into the crowd. Smiling, energetic, ATTRACTIVE GIRL approaches Domenica.

GINA
Hello, mama.

Girl kisses Domenica on the cheek.

DOMENICA
Gina, I want you to meet Antonio's nephew, Marco, from America. Marco, this is my daughter, Gina.

GINA
It's nice to meet you, Marco.

MARK
Nice to meet you, too, Gina. I didn't know you had a daughter, Domenica.

DOMENICA
Gina, is actually my niece. Her parents died in
an accident when Gina was very young and
Antonio and I adopted her. Gina, do
me a favor. Introduce Mark to more of the
relatives, will you? I want to see
Signora Vecchio's embroidering she has on display.

GINA
I'd be happy to.

Domenica leaves. Gina takes Mark by the arm and leads him through the crowd, and introduces him to RELATIVES, who shake his hand or kiss him on the cheek.

Gina introduces Mark to an ELDERLY COUPLE.

GINA
Mark, this is Mr. and Mrs. Cristoforo.
Mr. Cristoforo would be...I believe, your third cousin.

MARK
How do you do?

MR. CRISTOFORO
It's a pleasure to meet you, Marco. You
now, you look just like your
great-grandpapa when he was young.

MARK
Really. Can you tell me a little about him?
What did he do?

MR. CRISTOFORO
Oh...he was an...an art collector.

MRS. CRISTOFORO
Yes. In fact, he was one of Italy's most
famous art collectors.

Mark smiles, Gina begins to lead Mark away.

MARK
Well, it was nice to meet you.

MR. CRISTOFORO
Same here, Marco.

MRS. CRISTOFORO
Stop by the house anytime.

MARK
Thank you.

Gina walks Mark away.

MRS. CRISTOFORO
Too bad you had to lie to him.

MR. CRISTOFORO
I didn't lie to him! His great-grandpapa
was an art collector. I just didn't tell Marco
that his great-grandpapa was the most famous
art thief Italy has ever known.

MRS. CRISTOFORO
You're right. Why disillusion him.
He seems like such a nice boy.

The Cristoforo nod and smile at each other.

Gina introduces Mark to another ELDERLY COUPLE.

GINA
Marco, this is Mr. and Mrs. Fulgaro, y
our father's godparents.

MARK
It's a pleasure to meet you.

MRS. FULGARO
Welcome, Marco. You know, you look
just like your late granduncle, Luigi.

MR. FULGARO
Yes, a very distinguished man.

MARK
Really. What was his profession?

MRS. FULGARO
Well...ah...he was a very well-known
business man in Naples.

Mark smiles proudly, Gina leads him away.

MRS. FULGARO
I felt guilty lying to him.

MR. FULGARO
You didn't lie. You just forgot to tell him
that Luigi's business was fraud, corruption,
extortion and racketeering.

MRS. FULGARO
I guess it just slipped my mind.

The Fulgaros SNICKER.

EXT. OLD PEOPLE SECTION - CONTINUING

Antonio swaggers over to Mario Sticco sitting with a small group of OLD PEOPLE. They grimace knowing full-well Antonio would really like to see them in a coffin.

ANTONIO
(devious smile)
Ah, good day, everyone. I hope you're
all feeling good.

No one responds. Still smiling, Antonio bends over, pantomimes shoveling dirt as if digging a grave. Old people GASP, wide-eyed. Finally, Antonio throws invisible shovel away, struts up and down in front of them. Addresses a very old lady.

ANTONIO
Hello, Signora Cipriani. I hear you haven't
had a stroke in over a year. Would you like to
dance a fast tarantella with me?

Antonio does funny dance step, spins around, almost falls. Signora Cipriani sits stone-faced, gives Antonio unflattering Italian arm gesture. Antonio shrugs, smiles, looks at Mario.

ANTONIO
Ah, my friend, Mario. Would you like me
to get one of those young, big-breasted
beauties from the city to come jump in
your bed tonight?

Mario GASPS, clasps his hand over his heart. Antonio watches hopefully. Caesar appears from under Mario's chair, GROWLS and stalks Antonio. Antonio backs away slowly and then turns and runs. Caesar BARKS in pursuit, old people smile.

Mark and Gina walking as the band PLAYS on stage. People dance, and children playfully chase each other.

MARK
...I needed a vacation. So I thought I'd
look up the family while I was here,
and find out a little about my ancestors.

GINA
You should really talk to Antonio's brother, Father Michael.
He knows everything about the family.

MARK
Antonio's brother is a priest? Is he here?
I'd like to meet him?

GINA
(looks around)
I don't see him any where....So, did you travel
to Italy alone? Did you bring your wife?

MARK
I'm not married.

GINA
Me neither, but I'm engaged to Bruno Zampezzi,
the singer on the stage.

Mark looks at the stage, does a double-take. He recognizes Bruno as the young man he saw with a girl leaving the hotel room next to his when he arrived in town the night before.

GINA
Is there something wrong, Marco?

MARK
No, no. I was just admiring how good he sings.

GINA
I think so, too. He's been negotiating a recording
contract in Rome. He'll be famous someday.

MARK
Really.

Mark watches charismatic Bruno as he SINGS, dances around the stage, runs his fingers through his shoulder length hair, smiles and tantalizes a group of adoring young girls. Mark and Gina walk to the front of the stage, sit and watch.

Antonio, Umberto and Giuseppe off by themselves.

ANTONIO
...and don't tell Marco anything about the family.
Let him think we're all saints.

GIUSEPPE
Why?

ANTONIO
He looks wealthy. Maybe he might loan his poor,
near-bankrupt uncle some money.

UMBERTO
Why would he loan you money?

ANTONIO
I'll tell him how I saved his Papa's life
when we were boys.

GIUSEPPE
I didn't know that. How did you save
his father's life?

ANTONIO
I haven't figured that out yet, but I will.

Giuseppe, Umberto look at Antonio in awe.

Band PLAYS fast folk song on stage, Bruno SINGS. Crowd CLAPS their hands. Bruno finishes SINGING. Walks to the backdrop of the bandstand while the band continues to PLAY. Pretty girl who was with Bruno the night before, peeks from behind backdrop, motions Bruno to join her behind the backdrop. Bruno watches Mark and Gina sitting in the audience, and then moves slyly behind the backdrop.

Bruno and the girl embrace, kiss passionately.

INT. SECLUDED HOUSE SICILY - NIGHT

Gangsters, LUPINI and CHI CHI, play cards with Dominick Perky, the man they kidnapped and assume is Mark.

LUPINI
(puts cards down-smirks)
Two pair.

Dominick Perky
Sorry, I have a full house. Three aces a
nd a pair of jacks.

Apprehensive, Dominick takes the pot. Gangsters frown.

CHI CHI
You're a very good card player, for a banker, Mr. Monaco.

Dominick
For the last time. I'm not a banker, and my name
is not Mark Monaco! My name is Dominick Perky. I'm
a canary trainer. (WHISTLES like a canary)
When are you going to let me go? I miss my canaries.

LUPINI
(philosophically)
Enjoy yourself, Mr. Monaco. Look at it this way.
You have a beautiful suite. You eat nothing
but the best food, and...from the balcony you
have a magnificent view of the most beautiful
cemetery in all of Sicily.

Lupini and Chi Chi LAUGH; Dominick looks to the heavens and blesses himself. KNOCK at the door. Lupini pulls out his gun and opens it. Sexy, well-endowed WOMAN slinks in.

TINA
I'm Tina Lucia. I was sent here by
our host to entertain Mark Monaco.
(to Dominick)
Are you Mark Monaco?

CHI CHI
No. His name is Dominick Perky. He's a canary trainer.
(WHISTLES like a canary)

Lupini and Chi Chi LAUGH.

Dominick
Dominick Perky? Don't be ridiculous!
I keep telling you, my name is Mark Monaco!
I'm a banker!

Tina smiles seductively, takes Dominick's hand and leads him toward the bedroom. Dominick smirks at Lupini and Chi Chi as Tina pulls him into the bedroom.

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY - NEXT MORNING

Apprehensive, Mark opens his door, peeks down the hallway to make sure the Pazzerello sisters aren't there. About to step out, he sees Bruno with a different GIRL leaving a room down hall. Concerned, Mark watches as they embrace, kiss, leave. Mark then walks cautiously down the hall into the lobby. About to leave the hotel, he sees Lena Pazzerello approaching and hides in the lobby telephone booth. He watches as she goes toward his room. He leaves the booth and sees Luna coming out of the bar on her way to his room. He backs into the booth until she is out of sit and then hurries from the hotel.

INT. KITCHEN - ANTONIO'S HOUSE - LATER

Mark, Gina, Antonio, and Domenica drinking coffee.

ANTONIO
So, tell me, Marco, what kind of
business are you in?
(SLURP)

MARK
I'm a...a...bank teller.

ANTONIO
A bank teller! You look more like a
bank president to me.
(SLURP)

MARK
Thank you, Antonio. Unfortunately, I'm just a
poor, simple bank teller. Why...I don't
even own a cell phone.

ANTONIO
I thought all Americans had cell phones?
Actually, you have the look of someone with money.

MARK
Not me. My mother...now that's another story.

ANTONIO
(eyebrows raise)
Would she loan you money for the business
opportunity of a life time?

MARK
What kind of business?

ANTONIO
How would you like buy into my funeral business?

DOMENICA
Antonio! You haven't buried anyone in seven years!

ANTONIO
(glares at Domenica)
Hey. The bubonic plague may strike to
morrow. In that case, Marco would be rich.

GINA
Or dead.

DOMENICA
The plague hasn't been around since the
fourteenth century.

ANTONIO
All the more reason for Marco to invest.
It's 600 years overdue.

MARK
Ah...I'll think about it, Antonio.

GINA
We have to go now, Antonio. Marco wants
to see the vineyards. After, I'm taking him to
meet Father Michael.

ANTONIO
Father Michael. For what?

GINA
Mark is anxious to find out more a
bout our ancestors.

ANTONIO
What's there to know? We come from one
of the most noble families in Italy.
Ask anyone in the family.

Antonio pulls Mark aside, whispers.

ANTONIO
My brother means well, but he
tends to exaggerate.

Antonio winks, Mark winks back, with a patronizing smile.

EXT. VINEYARD ENTRANCE - DAY

Mark's car DRIVES past sign "WELCOME TO SAN MARCO VINEYARDS"

INT. VINEYARD WAREHOUSE - DAY

Gina shows Mark through the pressing plant. A few MEN playfully try to embrace, kiss Gina, who smiles, pushes them away. She SLAPS one of the men on the fanny, all LAUGH at Italian horseplay. Mark eyes Gina with interest.

EXT. VINEYARD - LATER

Mark and Gina stroll through the vineyards eating grapes. As they walk past the WORKERS, Mark sees Lena and Luna picking grapes. The sisters see Mark, smile and wave.

LENA
(SHOUT)
Hey, Marco! How are you today?

LUNA
(SHOUT)
We'll see you at the club tonight!

Mark forces a smile and walks faster.

GINA
You know the Pazzerello sisters?

MARK
They introduced themselves to me at the
hotel last night.

GINA
I see. By the way, Marco, I'd like to
apologize for Antonio. All he thinks about is
money since his funeral business died.

MARK
I like the way you put that. Is there
something wrong with Antonio's funeral business?
I mean, people die all the time, right?

GINA
Well, that's just it. No one has died here
for seven years.

MARK
Really.

GINA
The old ones think it's the wine they drink.
They say the grapes are blessed.

MARK
Blessed?

GINA
Let me explain. Seven years ago, there was a
big earthquake here. The ground cracked
opened up at the vineyards, and water
slowly came up from the ground, and still
does on occasion. Since then no one's died.

MARK
In other words, the people think the water
that irrigates the grapes has some
kind of mystical power?

GINA
Yes.

MARK
Couldn't that just be a coincidence?

GINA
Sure, but the old people don't think so.
They drink wine every night.

MARK
Wouldn't old people from all over Italy
come here, if that was true?

GINA
People here don't make a big deal out of it.
It's, how do you Americans say, hush hush.

MARK
(looks over the vineyards)
I know it sounds funny, but it seems
like I've seen these fields in my dreams.

GINA
Maybe you have. Your family once owned them.

MARK
Really. How did we lose them?

GINA
I'm not sure, but it happened after World War II.

MARK
Who owns it now?

GINA
Some group called the Floral Corporation.

Mark looks over the vineyard in deep thought.

EXT. CHURCH-SCHOOL PLAYGROUND - LATER

Mark, Gina return to town, get out of car. SHOUTS of CHILDREN playing. They walk toward the school next to the church. Kids surround Gina, smile happily and hug her.

MARK
What do you do at the school?

GINA
I help the nuns with the students, keep
Father Michael's office in order, and
anything else that has to be done.

MARK
I see.

School bell RINGS. Children hurry inside school.

GINA
I have to go now. Go to the church.
Father Michael is waiting.

Gina smiles, leaves. Mark watches. We see by Mark's expression that he finds Gina interesting.

INT. CHURCH - CONTINUOUS

Mark enters the church. He looks in surprise at a very tall, smiling, rugged-looking priest walking toward him. The priest shakes Mark's hand vigorously.

FATHER MICHAEL
Sorry I missed you at the church fund
raiser, nephew. I was in Bari shopping
for a new statue of St. Mark, out patron
saint. I hope you're enjoying your visit.

MARK
I am. Gina's been showing me around.
(studies priest)
I must confess, Father Michael,
I'm surprised at your tall stature,
considering Antonio is so short.

FATHER MICHAEL
Well, not many people realize it,
but God has a sense of humor, too.

Mark LAUGHS at the priest's down-to-earth's manner.

FATHER MICHAEL
So, you want to know about your relatives. Why?

MARK
To be honest, my mother said I came
from a Jekyll, Mr. Hyde family. Is that true?

FATHER MICHAEL
You've met Antonio. Need I say more?
However, we do have some very noble ancestors.

MARK
I'm happy to hear that.

FATHER MICHAEL
Before we talk, I want you to look
around the church.

Mark peruses the altar, the statues, the paintings.

FATHER MICHAEL
You're now looking at the same things your
forefathers looked at for hundreds of years.

Mark runs his hand over time-worn altar rail, reflects.

MARK
I can almost feel their presence.

FATHER MICHAEL
I do all the time. Come, follow me,
I'll show you to the library. There
are many books related to our family.

MARK
Wonderful.

Father Michael leads Mark toward the library.

FATHER MICHAEL
So, who would you like to read about,
first? Salvatore Monaco, 1495-1580,
who almost became a pope, or
Pietro Monaco, 1215-1300, who sold
hashish to the crusaders?

Mark speechless. Father Michael smiles.

EXT. MONACO BACKYARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS

Tough looking MAN roughing up terrified Antonio.

BERNARDO
I've waited long enough. I want the
money you owe me, now!

ANTONIO
I'll have it soon, Bernardo. I promise.
My wife is going to inherit a lot money soon.

BERNARDO
I don't care how you get the money, just get it!

Bernardo runs his finger across his throat, turns and leaves, Antonio SIGHS in relief.

EXT. TOP OF A HILL - AFTERNOON

Antonio and his sons on top of a hill waiting for Mario to jog by below. Men stand next to a tied up bag of fireworks, with rockets sticking out connected to long fuse.

UMBERTO
Papa, don't do this.

Antonio grabs Umberto.

ANTONIO
Just do what I tell you!

GIUSEPPE
It's no use, Umberto. Let's just do it.

Umberto breaks free from Antonio.

UMBERTO
No more, Papa. I'm leaving. Come with me, Giuseppe.

ANTONIO
Don't you dare go! I'm your Papa; I command you to obey.

Umberto turns, walks away. Soul-searching Giuseppe watches Umberto leave, turns, studies Antonio.

GIUSEPPE
Umberto's right, Papa. No more.

Giuseppe walks after Umberto. Antonio furious.

Alone, Antonio paces impatiently waiting for Mario. Mario finally appears shuffle-jogging with Caesar. Caesar stops, senses something, looks up at the top of the hill.

Antonio smiles deviously as he lights the fuse to the fireworks, and then drops the bag off the hill. He closes his eyes and holds his ears, and waits. Nothing happens.

Antonio opens his eyes and sees Caesar a few feet from him dragging the bag of fireworks in his mouth with the fuse burnt down short. He looks in panic as Caesar puts the bag down next to Antonio and then runs back down the hill. Antonio starts to run. Rockets EXPLODE, WHISTLE, SCREECH, BURST into air, ECHO throughout hills. Antonio SCREAMS, CURSES, falls, crawls, ducks from EXPLODING fireworks.

ANTONIO
That son-of-a-bitch dog must be psychic.

Mario, oblivious to the fireworks EXPLODING on top of the hill, jogs contently. Tail-wagging Caesar rejoins his master and they continue, undaunted, on their daily ritual.

EXT. CHURCH - LATE AFTERNOON

Mark and Father Michael coming out of the church.

MARK
Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow. I want to
read more about the family.

FATHER MICHAEL
You're welcome. Come any time, any hour
you wish. The church is always open, and
come even if I'm not here.

They shake hands, Mark leaves.

EXT. TOWN PIAZZA - NIGHT

Mark, Giuseppe and Umberto stroll. Giuseppe smiles at the pretty GIRLS who smile back eager for his attention.

MARK
So, Gina is going to marry Bruno.

UMBERTO
I wish she'd marry someone else.

GIUSEPPE
Bruno's a pig. He's nothing but a womanizer.
Everyone knows it.

UMBERTO
Listen who's talking.

GIUSEPPE
Hey, I'm just searching to find the right
girl to marry.

UMBERTO
You've been searching since you were 14 years old.

Giuseppe smiles and shrugs.

MARK
Does Gina know about Bruno?

GIUSEPPE
She doesn't want to hear about it.

UMBERTO
She knows. Gina just wants to get married and
have children.

MARK
Even if she knows what he's like?

GIUSEPPE
It's an Italian thing. Oops, speak of the devil.

Gina and Bruno stroll nearby. Gina sees Mark and her brothers, waves and walks over with Bruno.

GINA
Hello, everyone.

GIUSEPPE/UMBERTO
Hi, Gina. Hi, Bruno.

GINA
Bruno, this is my cousin, Marco, from America.

Bruno smiles, Mark forces a smile as they shake hands.

BRUNO
Happy to meet you, Marco.

MARK
Nice meeting you, too, Bruno.

GINA
Why don't you all walk with us?

UMBERTO
Sorry, I have to get home and read some
books Father Michael gave me.

GIUSEPPE
...and I have to meet a friend.

Giuseppe, Umberto leave. Mark, Gina, Bruno continue walking.

MARK
Gina tells me you may be signing a record
contract, soon.

BRUNO
Yes. As soon as we can come to an agreement
on money. In fact, I've been driving to Rome
almost every weekend to meet with
them. So tell me, Marco, where are you staying?

MARK
At the Hotel Leonardo da Vinci.

Bruno looks in surprise, forces a smile. As they continue walking, Bruno notices a girl subtly motioning for him to join her. Mark sees the girl, Gina doesn't.

BRUNO
Gina, I just remembered. I have to meet
with my image consultant in the morning.
We're going to discuss my hair being
styled in dreadlocks. I'd better get home
and get to sleep. Marco will walk with you.

Bruno hurries away before Gina can say anything. Gina and Mark walk in silence.

MARK
How would you like me to buy you a glass of wine,
and tell me more about the family?

GINA
Oh, okay. How would you like to hear about
one of your very distant aunts who was a
friend of Lucrezia Borgia?

MARK
Only if you don't put any poison in my wine.

Both LAUGH as they walk away.

INT. RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS

Gina and Mark dancing.

GINA
You're a lot of fun, Marco. I wish Bruno
could dance like you.

MARK
I wish I could sing like Bruno.

Song ends, they return to their table, sip wine.

Bruno and girl enter arm-in-arm. Bruno looks around cautiously, sees Mark, Gina. Mark sees Bruno and the girl. Gina notices Mark looking at door, turns around and sees Bruno and the girl hurrying out the front door. Gina doesn't give any indication that she saw Bruno.

GINA
I think I could use another glass of wine.

Mark nods, pours the wine. Music PLAYS. Gina pulls reluctant Mark onto the dance floor and loses herself in dancing.

INT. LIVING ROOM MONACO HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Domenica sewing, Antonio, covered with bandages (from fireworks fiasco with Mario), paces nervously.

DOMENICA
Your brother Michael called.

ANTONIO
What did the next wanna-be Pope want?

DOMENICA
He said his records show that there
should now be enough money in the bank
for him to buy the statue of St. Mark.
He thanked me for being treasurer of the
committee. And I want to thank you for
putting the money in the bank for me every week.
By the way, how much church money is in the bank?

Antonio looks sheepishly at Domenica as he paces in silence.

DOMENICA
Antonio, didn't you hear me?

ANTONIO
Ah...ah.... There isn't any money in the bank.
We've been living on it. I thought someone
in this lousy town would die. I figured
I'd replace the money we've been living
on with the money I'd make from the funerals.

DOMENICA
Oh, Antonio. How much do we owe?

ANTONIO
One-hundred-four thousand, six- hundred-ten lire
and ten soldi. That includes the money from the church,
the money I borrowed on our life insurance, and a
loan from a shylock.

DOMENICA
Why that's over eight thousand dollars in American money.

ANTONIO
Thanks for telling me. Now I won't have
to call my stockbroker tomorrow to find out the
exchange rate between the United States and Italy.

DOMENICA
You should go see your brother right now
and confess everything. Beg his forgiveness and
ask God for guidance.

Suddenly, Antonio stops pacing, smiles.

ANTONIO
Confess! That's it!

Jubilant, Antonio hurries out the door.

INT. CHURCH CONFESSIONAL - CONTINUOUS

Father Michael reading a magazine. Hears someone enter, slides wooden panel open and makes the sign of the cross.

ANTONIO
Bless me father for I have sinned.

FATHER MICHAEL
Is...is that you, Antonio?

ANTONIO
Domenica suggested I come.

FATHER MICHAEL
Did you bring a check for the statue?

ANTONIO
Ah, before we talk about that, I wanna
make my confession.

FATHER MICHAEL
What? You haven't been to confession in
thirty years.

ANTONIO
Actually, it's been thirty-five.

FATHER MICHAEL
This is incredible! I wish mother and
father were still alive to see this joyous
night. I'm proud of you as is the Lord.
All right, confess your sins, my brother.

ANTONIO
Ah...I kicked my goat.

FATHER MICHAEL
I knew it was too good to be true.

ANTONIO
But I did kick my goat!

FATHER MICHAEL
All right! Five Hail Marys and two
Our Fathers! What else?

ANTONIO
I spent all the money for the statue
of St. Mark that I was supposed
to deposit for Domenica.

FATHER MICHAEL
What!?

EXT. CONFESSIONAL

Father Michael jumps out of the confessional, YANKS open Antonio's door, pulls him out, beats him on the head with his magazine.

ANTONIO
Stop! This is no way for a priest to act.
Don't you know, God is watching you?

FATHER MICHAEL
Who do you think told me to hit you?

Suddenly, Father Michael sees wide-eyed OLD PEOPLE sitting in pews waiting to confess their sins. Frightened, they scurry out of the church.

FATHER MICHAEL
Wait, wait. Come back!

Furious, Father Michael grabs Antonio by the scruff of the neck, lifts him off his feet.

FATHER MICHAEL
Look what you've done, you heathen. Now
the old ones will think I'm going to
beat them when they come to confession.
(clenches his fist)

ANTONIO
You wouldn't dare hit me in church.

Father Michael slowly puts Antonio down, then pushes him back into confessional head first. Antonio CRASHES his head against the wooden paneling in the confessional and GROANS in pain. Father Michael returns to his section of confessional.

ANTONIO
(rubbing his head)
So, what is my penance, my dear,
saintly, all-forgiving brother?

FATHER MICHAEL
One-hundred lashes from a whip
with thorns on it.

ANTONIO
Seems fair enough. I'll have
my goat whip me.

FATHER MICHAEL
I'm losing patience, Antonio. You realize,
you'll have to tell the committee you spent
the church's money.

ANTONIO
I'm not telling them anything.

FATHER MICHAEL
What are you saying? I demand you
tell the committee. If you don't, I will.

ANTONIO
Ah, but you can't. As my priest,
you're bound to secrecy. You
can't tell them anything.

FATHER MICHAEL
You can't get away with this. The people
will become suspicious when they don't
see a new statue of St. Mark in the
church. I'll have to tell them something.

ANTONIO
Not necessarily. I'd like you to think
about your reputation.

FATHER MICHAEL
What does my reputation have to do with you
stealing the church's money?

ANTONIO
Nothing...unless I tell them I gave you
half of the money and you spent it on
wild women in Naples.

FATHER MICHAEL
Why, you...you. You'd do that to your
own brother? You're a charlatan!

ANTONIO
I know that. Now, calm down. I have a solution.
I suggest you don't tell the townspeople
anything about the statue until I get the
money back into the bank. I should have
enough soon...God willing. Why cause an
uproar and disappoint everyone? It would
only break their hearts.

FATHER MICHAEL
Your compassion for the people overwhelms me.

ANTONIO
And don't worry, I'll make sure my
goat whips me hard.

FATHER MICHAEL
Get out, you, you, you...

Antonio leaves the confessional, walks outside. The old people who left the church earlier stand, huddled together, confused. Antonio smiles and pantomimes shoveling dirt as if digging a grave. The old people attack Antonio who runs away.

INT. MARK'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

KNOCK at the door. Mark slowly opens the door. Lena Pazzerello smiles. Mark tries to close door, Lena pushes her way in, sits on the bed, takes off her blouse and smiles.

MARK
Lena, have mercy.

LENA
Don't be silly.

Mark tries to lift Lena off the bed, she LAUGHS, pulls him on the bed and under the covers.

LENA
(PANTING)
Have you been sightseeing much in San Marco?

MARK
(PANTING)
Are you kidding? I've been in bed most of
the time. What is it with you and your sister?

LENA
(PANTING)
It's a secret. By the way, out of curiosity,
who's better in bed, me or my sister?

MARK
(PANTING MORE)
That's a hell of a question. So far, it's been a
tie. But at this...this...this very
moment... you're...you're definitely
winning, Lunaaaa.

LENA
(PANTING MORE)
I'm not Luna. I'm a Leeeena!

MARK
(SIGHS-rolls on his back)
Sorry about that.

Lena gets dressed quickly and leaves. Mark lies in bed staring at the ceiling. Door opens, Luna Pazzerello walks in.

MARK
God! Don't you guys even knock any more?
Mercy, Luna. I'll be dead before I get
back to the States.

Luna smiles, takes off clothes. Mark hides his head under the pillow.

EXT. TOP OF THE HILL - CONTINUOUS

Antonio holds a fishing pole in one hand, in the other, a voluptuous, LIFE-SIZE CARDBOARD CUTOUT of big-busted, bikini-clad woman advertising spaghetti. He twists the hook of the fishing line into the top of cutout's head and then gently lowers the cutout off the hill.

ANTONIO
This is your day, Mario. And this
is the angel of mercy who's gonna
take you to paradise.

BOTTOM OF THE HILL: Cutout dances slowly downward until it dangles a few inches off the ground below. Shortly, Mario appears jogging with Caesar. Mario sees voluptuous, cardboard cutout, squints, feebly, tries to jog faster.

Antonio moves the fishing pole so that the cutout dances toward the far edge of road, where the road drops downward several feet into a deep canyon. Caesar sees the danger, runs ahead and yanks the cutout free from the fishing line. PEBBLES roll down the hill. Caesar looks up. Caesar sprints up the hill.

TOP OF THE HILL: Caesar chases Antonio around the summit. Antonio drops the fishing pole, loses his balance, slips, and rolls down Mario's side of the hill. Caesar runs back down the hill to Mario.

BOTTOM OF THE HILL: Mario smiles down at the cutout, picks it up, puts it under his arm and continues jogging. Antonio staggers to feet, waves his fist at Mario and Caesar as they disappear out of sight.

EXT. ANTONIO'S BACK YARD - DAY

Bandaged, Antonio paces. Haggard, Mark drives up in his car, gets out, and walks slowly toward Antonio.

MARK
What happened to you, Antonio?
You look like you rolled down a hill.

ANTONIO
I don't wanna talk about it! Besides,
you don't look too good yourself.
Have you talked to your Mama about my
funeral business, yet?

MARK
I haven't had a chance.

ANTONIO
Did I tell you about the time I saved
your father's life, when we were kids.

MARK
You saved my father's life?

ANTONIO
Yes. We were swimming and he got the cramps.
We were two miles, maybe ten, from shore.
Without the slightest thought of my own life,
I pulled him to shore.

MARK
But my father was ten years older
than you. That means he was 16 and you were six.

ANTONIO
Ah...I lifted weight as a kid.
(flexes muscles)
Unfortunately, it stunted my growth a bit.

Mark stares at Antonio, stupefied.

ANTONIO
I don't want you to think you owe me,
but can you loan your uncle-who saved
your father's life, eight thousand American dollars?

MARK
I don't have that kind of money, Antonio.
And I'm just about maxed out on my credit card.
In fact, I was going to ask if you
could loan me some money.

Antonio grimaces. Gina comes out of the house, approaches.

GINA
Come, Mark. We have to go. Mark,
you look terrible. Don't you get enough sleep?

MARK
No. It's very noisy at the hotel.

ANTONIO
Where are you two going?

GINA
Marco wants to see the cemetery.

ANTONIO
(whispers)
That's a perfect place for that dead beat.

MARK
Do me a favor, Antonio.

Mark reaches in his wallet, pulls out some money.

MARK
Would you give this money to Domenica.
It's only a few dollars, but I want to
give it for the statue of St. Mark. I really
can't afford it. I...I just won't eat tonight.

Gina looks at Mark, hides her smile. Antonio GRUNTS, takes the money. As Mark puts his wallet back in his pocket, a card slips out and floats into the nearby bushes and is not noticed by Mark, Antonio or Gina.

Gina intertwines her arm with Mark's. Domenica walks out of the house and looks with concern as she watches Mark and Gina leaving arm-in-arm. She walks to Antonio.

DOMENICA
You don't think we have a romance
going, do you, Antonio?

ANTONIO
Don't be silly. It's just Gina's way.
How could she like a poor bank teller.
She's only showing him around because
Bruno went to Rome again.

DOMENICA
Hmmm. I think it's time I get Bruno to
set a wedding date. I have to go shopping.
I'll see you later.

Domenica leaves. Antonio notices the card that fell from Mark's wallet into the bushes, picks it up and reads it.

ANTONIO
What is this? Mark Monaco-President- Beverly Hills
International Bank- Beverly Hills, California.
Madonna! Why, that son-of-a-bitch!

INT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Antonio smiles deviously as he DIALS the telephone.

ANTONIO
Bernardo. I think I have a way to get the money
I owe you right away, but I need your help.
-- Okay, I'll meet you at the pool hall later.

Antonio hangs up and then dials again.

ANTONIO
Information? I want the phone number of
Josephine La Cipolla Monaco in Beverly Hills,
California, United States.

Antonio SINGS Italian SONG as he waits.

ANTONIO
Yes, operator. That's it.

Antonio writes the number down and DIALS again.

INT. JOSEPHINE MONACO'S RESIDENCE USA - NIGHT

Josephine and Vincent at home. Phone RINGS, Josephine answers.

JOSEPHINE
Hello.

ANTONIO
Hello, Mrs. Monaco. This is Your late
husband's brother, Antonio, calling from Italy.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son,
Mark, has been kidnapped and is being
held for ransom.

JOSEPHINE
Oh, my God! Is he all right?

Concerned, Vincent quietly picks up the extension phone and listens.

ANTONIO
He's fine. In fact, the kidnappers told
me he ate a pound of spaghetti and
six meatballs last night.

Josephine and Vincent look at each other, perplexed.

JOSEPHINE
Have you called the police?

ANTONIO
The kidnappers told me if I called, they
would kill Mark.

JOSEPHINE
Oh, my God! Well, how much money do they want?

ANTONIO
A mere trifle. Only eight thousand, six hundred and
five dollars and ten cents.

JOSEPHINE
What's the ten cents for?

ANTONIO
It's for their phone call. They're poor,
simple kidnappers.

JOSEPHINE
(bewildered)
Where should I send the money?

ANTONIO
Send it to me. I'll deliver it myself just
to insure Mark's safe release from
these evil men.

JOSEPHINE
How should I send the money?

ANTONIO
The usual way. Put it in a shoe box and mail
it...First Class, of course.

Vincent waves at Josephine.

JOSEPHINE
Hold on a second, Mr. Monaco.
(covers receiver)

VINCENT
(covers receiver)
Tell him it will take a few days to get the money.
There's definitely something wrong.

JOSEPHINE
It will take a few days for me to get the cash, Antonio.

ANTONIO
Okay. I'll tell the kidnappers. But you'd
better hurry before they do something
to Mark. And don't call the police.
Trust me, I'm an honest man. I went to
confession last week. I'll call you back in two days.
(hangs up)

JOSEPHINE
I told Mark to stay away from those crazy people!

EXT. CEMETERY - DAY

Mark and Gina walking through the cemetery.

MARK
I haven't seen Bruno lately.

GINA
He went to Rome. In fact, he goes there
just about every week, now. He said it
may take him months to negotiate a
contract to his liking.

MARK
How come you don't go with him, or is
that none of my business?

GINA
He says he'd be too busy and doesn't want
me to get bored. I'm sure he gets
lonely there all alone.

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY

Bruno SPEEDING down the highway in a sports car. Radio BLASTING, beautiful WOMAN, VIVIANA sitting next to him pouring wine. She puts the cup to Bruno's lips. Bruno sips the wine.

VIVIANA
Let's get married.

BRUNO
I told you, Viviana. I'm not the marrying type.

VIVIANA
Gina thinks you're going to marry her.

BRUNO
I just don't know how to tell her.
I've known her since we were kids.

VIVIANA
Marry me, Bruno. I'm hot stuff.

BRUNO
I know your are, but no way.

Woman reaches over, grabs Bruno's crotch, Bruno SCREAMS.

EXT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

Car CAREENS from one side of the highway to the other, and finally straightens out. Bruno and the Viviana LAUGH loudly.

EXT. CEMETERY - CONTINUOUS

Gina and Mark looking at gravestones.

MARK
There's so many Monacos here.
Do you know who they all are?

GINA
More or less. We are taught from an
early age. By the time we are grown up,
we know most of them. That way, someone
in the family who died many years ago is
always remembered.

MARK
That's a nice tradition.
(studies a headstone)
Who's this?

HEADSTONE: "UMBER 'LUCKY' MONACO - SOLDIER - 1825-1900."

GINA
Let's see...it would Your great-granduncle.
He fought with Garibaldi to unify Italy.

MARK
I'm impressed.

GINA
Don't be. He was shot and deserted.
He survived and returned to San Macro.

MARK
I guess that's how he got the name Lucky.

GINA
No, he got the name when his wife caught
him in bed with another woman and shot
him six times, and he still managed to survive.

Mark shakes his head, they continue walking.

MARK
Look at this ancient gravestone.

CLOSE ON HEADSTONE: "VINCENZO MONACO - ARCHITECT 1465-1573."

GINA
Vincenzo would be your...
(uses her fingers to count)
16th cousin. A great man.
He was a friend of Michelangelo.

MARK
Really! Tell me about him.

GINA
Vincenzo built the scaffold for Michelangelo
to paint the Sistine Chapel. Unfortunately,
it collapsed while Michelangelo was painting.

MARK
That figures.

GINA
To get even, Michelangelo painted Vincenzo's face
in all his pictures that showed a group of men.
They say if you want to see Vincenzo, look for
the ugliest man in a Michelangelo painting.

Mark drops his head in defeat. As they continue walking, Gina stumbles; Mark catches her in his arms - their faces just inches apart. They look into each other's eyes and slowly their faces move closer together. About to kiss, they suddenly regain their composure and stop. They continue walking through the cemetery in silence.

INT. HOTEL - EVENING

Carrying his suitcase, Mark follows the clerk down the hall to another room. Mark looks over his shoulder, suspiciously.

CLERK
This is the most secluded room in the hotel,
Signore Monaco. No one will find you here.

MARK
I hope you're right. I need to get some sleep.

CLERK
Good night, Signore Monaco.

MARK
Good night.

Clerk hands Mark the key and leaves. Mark unpacks a few items from his suitcase. Then picks up the telephone and dials.

MARK
Hello Gina. You wanted me to call you and tell
you what room I moved to. I'm in room 327. -- Sure,
I'd like to go to the carnival. -- Okay, I'll
pick you up tomorrow night at 8:00. Ciao.

Mark finishes unpacking, leaves the hotel and walks to the church to read more family history. He looks around the church pensively. As he passes the confessional, an arm reaches out and pulls him inside the confessional.

MARK
Who is it!?

LENA
It's me, Lena.

MARK
Lena, what are you doing in the confessional?
Oh, my God! Not here. God will see us here.

LENA
Not if we keep the door closed.
Be quiet or you'll wake Father Michael.

MARK
Lena, I'll never be able to go to communion again.

LENA
If it'll make you feel better, confess
your sins while were doing it. After all,
this is the place to do it. I want those earrings!

MARK
What earrings? Lena, please....

INT. POOL HALL - NIGHT

Antonio, Bernardo and Bernardo's cohort, Guido, in a booth.

ANTONIO
So all you have to do is follow him
and make sure he doesn't leave town.

BERNARDO
What if he calls his mother? And I'm sure
he has a cell phone. Won't she say something
like, I thought you were kidnapped?

ANTONIO
He doesn't have a cell phone. I don't
think he will call her on a regular phone.
I just have that feeling. But if he does,
and he confronts me about it, I'll just
deny that I called her. Then...we'll
just really kidnap him. That's all. No big deal.

Bernardo and Guido nod somewhat apprehensive.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT

Bruno and Viviana return to San Marco. They sit in car breathing heavy, kissing passionately.

VIVIANA
Let's go back to Rome, Bruno.

BRUNO
I wish we could, but I promised I'd sing
for the church show and raffle tomorrow night.

They continue kissing passionately.

EXT. TOWN PIAZZA - NIGHT

Rides, concession stands, Bruno SINGING on stage with band, PEOPLE dancing, strolling waiting for the show and car raffle to begin. Bernardo and Guido following Mark. Mark and Gina see astrology sign on tent: MADAM INDOVINA - PSYCHIC.

GINA
Mark, let's go see what's in your future, okay?

MARK
If it'll make you happy. But, I don't
believe in that sort of thing.

GINA
Oh, come on, Mark.

INT. TENT - CONTINUOUS

Mark and Gina sit in front of jovial MADAM INDOVINA, dressed in a colorful outfit. Mark looks cynically at the woman who studies his hand with one hand and sips wine with other.

MADAME INDOVINA
I see...I see two women, a hotel room and...you.

MARK
Gina, ah...isn't fortune telling against t
he church doctrine?

MADAME INDOVINA
Beware of a short relative. You will
take a ride on a donkey cart, and a wooden coffin
will save your life.

MARK
Coffin? Am I going to die?

MADAME INDOVINA
Don't eat spaghetti on Monday, and
whatever you do, don't go to the 7:00 o'clock
mass tomorrow morning or you might catch
the bubonic plague.

MARK/GINA
The bubonic plague?

MARK
Maybe I should have invested in Antonio's funeral business.

GINA
Maybe you should have.

MADAME INDOVINA
I see a vineyard. There is much confusion.
The grapes are crying but you will make
them happy again. Since you will stop the
grapes from crying, I will bestow upon you
the power to see things others cannot. That
will be five-thousand lire.

EXT. OUTSIDE TENT

MARK
What a character. You don't believe
anything she said, do you?

GINA
Of course not. Was she talking about
the Pazzerello sisters?

Gina looks at Mark quizzically. Mark looks straight ahead, doesn't answer. She smiles, takes his arm and they continue walking. Most seats taken for the show, Mark and Gina sit in the back. The Pazzerello sisters sit nearby smiling coyly at Mark, Mark hides behind Gina. Bernardo and Guido sit nearby, watching Mark. Antonio nods slyly to them. Bruno and the band finish a SONG on stage.

BRUNO
And now ladies and gentlemen, we invite
all the old ones on the floor for the Mask Dance.

All OLD PEOPLE (including Antonio and Domenica) step onto the dance floor, put on full face masks and start dancing.

MARK
Who are the faces on the masks?

GINA
They're pictures of themselves on the day
they were married.

MARK
Your mother was very beautiful. I see your
father hasn't changed much.

As Mark watches, he sees the masks on the old people slowly SFX: dissolve onto their faces and they now look as they did on their wedding day. Their bent bodies straighten and they dance with wild abandon as they did on the wedding day. Mark looks in disbelief, blinks, rubs his eyes.

MARK
Gina, do you see what I see?

GINA
It's beautiful isn't it. You could almost
imagine they're young again.

MARK
But they are. Can't you see?

Gina smiles, pats Mark on the hand.

GINA
You have a romantic soul, Mark. You should
get more sleep.

As the MUSIC nears the end, SFX: the dancers' bodies become old once again and slowly walk off the dance floor. Mark baffled, trying to comprehend what he has seen. Bruno finishes singing and joins Antonio and Domenica.

ANTONIO
You sing like Caruso, Bruno. You're going
to be a big recording star someday.

DOMENICA
So, tell me, Mr. Big Recording Star,
when are you gonna marry Gina?

BRUNO
(ignores question)
Oh, Signora Monaco, you look very
nice tonight. Hello Gina, Marco.

DRUM ROLL on stage. ANNOUNCER steps to the microphone.

ANNOUNCER
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the St. Mark's Review.

MONTAGE: TAP DANCERS, Young BALLERINAS, Opera SINGER. The show ends. Announcer walks on stage with a LITTLE GIRL.

ANNOUNCER
Now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've
all been waiting for. The raffle for the
greatest car ever made. The 1981 Yugo Koaral
Sedan from Yugoslavia, rebuilt by master
mechanic, Dino Pontani.

Announcer gestures to DINO PONTANI in front row, who stands, smiles, and waves to the audience. Audience APPLAUDS.

ANTONIO
A Yugo! I never hear of it. Some poor
idiot will probably win it.

The little girl on stage pulls out a stub from a fish bowl full of ticket stubs and gives it to the announcer.

ANNOUNCER
The winning number is...2301.

Domenica looks at her stub.

DOMENICA
We won! Antonio, we won!

ANTONIO
(looks at her stub)
Oh, my God! We won the car!

Antonio and Domenica hurry to the stage and show the announcer their ticket stub. Losers APPLAUD politely. Antonio smiles and rubs his hands in anticipation and looks around.

ANTONIO
Where's the car?

ANNOUNCER
Unfortunately, Dino Pontani is waiting f
or the motor to arrive from Corsica.
When it comes, the car is yours.

MAN IN THE AUDIENCE
(SHOUTS)
Who's gonna bring it from Corsica, Napoleon?

Audience LAUGHS, Domenica grabs microphone from the announcer.

DOMENICA
I would like to take this opportunity
to announce the wedding of Bruno Zampezzi
and my niece, Gina, next month. Everyone is invited.

Audience APPLAUDS, people pat amazed Bruno on the back and shake his hand. Gina accepts congratulations surprised. Mark very disappointed at the wedding announcement.

Dino Pontani walks to Antonio as he leaves stage.

DINO
Antonio, they made a mistake. The motor
arrived this morning. I'll hurry as fast as I can.
I should have the car done in a week or so.

ANTONIO
Fantastic, Dino! Just for that, I'll give
you a five percent discount on your funeral,
when you die.

Dino looks at Antonio, flabbergasted.

Mark walks back towards his hotel. Luna approaches, smiles, intertwines her arm with his. Bernardo and Guido follow Mark. For the first time Mark begins to notice them.

LUNA
Hey, Marco. Let's buy some wine and
go to your new room.

MARK
Why not? You're gonna find the room
sooner-or-later, anyhow.

INT. MARK'S HOTEL - NEXT MORNING

KNOCK at the door, Mark pulls pillow over his head. (Thinks it could be Lena or Luna.)

MARK
Go away!

GINA
Open the door. It's Gina.

MARK
I don't believe you. Go away!

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Gina KNOCKS louder.

GINA
What do you mean, you don't believe me?
If you don't open the door, I'll get
the desk clerk to open it. What is the problem?

INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Mark struggles to the door, opens it a crack,
sees Gina, opens door, walks back to bed,
collapses. Gina enters.

GINA
Marco, you look terrible. This is no
place for you. I've decided you're going
to rent the cottage in back of our house.

Gina walks to the closet, pulls out Mark's suitcases.

MARK
What about Antonio? I don't
think he likes me.

GINA
He likes money. He's been trying
to rent the place for months, but no
one wants to live that close to him.

Mark struggles up as Gina starts packing his clothes.

EXT. COTTAGE BEHIND ANTONIO'S HOUSE - DAY

Quaint, secluded cottage, almost hidden by trees.

INT. COTTAGE

Mark and Gina unpacking Mark's suitcases.

GINA
I have the day off. Where would you like to go?

MARK
The vineyards. There's something about the vineyards.

GINA
Maybe something Madame Indovina said
about the vineyards?

MARK
Who knows.

EXT. CAR - DAY

Car DRIVES through picturesque landscape and then DRIVES into the entrance of the San Marco Vineyards.

INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

Mark and Gina look in surprise as they behold angry WORKERS SHOUTING, milling around, waving fists, throwing rocks that BREAK WINDOWS of vineyard office.

EXT. VINEYARD - CONTINUOUS

Mark and Gina get out of car, walk to one of the workers.

GINA
What's going on?

MAN
They're going to rip out the vines and
build a golf course.

Mean-looking company MEN emerge from the office, shove the workers back including Pazzerello sisters. A riot breaks out. One of the men pushes Mark, Mark pushes back. Man SOCKS Mark, Mark SOCKS the man back, knocks him down. The man gets up, walks menacingly toward Mark. Pazzerello sisters stand in front of Mark, attack the man. Gina grabs Mark's hand, pulls him back to the car as Police cars arrive, SIRENS blasting. Police try to restore order as MELEE continues. Mark and Gina DRIVE away.

INT. POLICE STATION - BARI, ITALY - DAY

Ambitious, impeccably dressed and groomed, CAPTAIN NUNCIO CREDENZA combs his large moustachio with a small moustache comb in the mirror of his office as he talks to his AIDE.

CAPTAIN CREDENZA
All I need is one big case with a lot of
publicity. If I can get one like that,
I know I can make Chief.

Phone RINGS, the aide answers.

AIDE
Hello - Yes - Yes, sir.
(to Credenza)
It's a Captain Baldwin from the
Los Angeles Police Department.

Credenza takes the phone, but keeps combing his moustachio.

CAPTAIN CREDENZA
Captain Nuncio Credenza speaking.
What can I do for you, Captain Baldwin? --
(eyes open wide)
A possible kidnapping? --

Credenza nervously combs his moustachio faster.

CAPTAIN CREDENZA
Yes, Yes -- Well let me explain. The reason
Rome transferred you to me, and not
Capt. Randazzo in San Marco is, we are federal
agents. We handle international crime.
San Marco is not equipped to do so.
They are not equipped with a SWAT unit,
we are. Of course, I will notify Capt. Randazzo
and we certainly will work together.
Uh-huh...uh-huh. You can count on us,
Captain Baldwin. Yes, I'll keep you posted. Ciao.
(hangs up-smiles)

AIDE
Sounds like the big one you've been
waiting for, captain.

CAPTAIN CREDENZA
And the man who is going to make me
chief is one...Antonio Monaco.

AIDE
Are going to notify Capt. Randazzo and inform
him that you're bringing the SWAT unit?

CAPTAIN CREDENZA
No. He would just get in the way of the SWAT unit.
Face it, all Randazzo knows how to do is swat
mosquitoes with a fly swatter.

INT. ANGELO BERTELLI’S BANK - SAN MARCO -- DAY

Mark enters bank. Mr. Bertelli sees Mark, nods him over to his office,

INT. OFFICE CONTINUOUS

Mark hands Mr. Bertelli an envelope.

MARK
I’d like you to get this to Nino.

MR. BERTELLI
I'll take care of it. Mr. Lombardo will have
this by tomorrow morning or afternoon, Mr. Monaco.

MARK
Thank you, Mr. Bertelli.

Mark and Mr. Bertelli shake hands and Mark leaves.

INT. BANK - ROME - DAY

Nino reads Mark’s message as he nudges a soccer ball around his office with his foot toward miniature goal posts in the corner of his office.

MARK
Greetings Nino Have you found out anything about
the men who tried to kidnap me, or if they let
that man go that they kidnapped? I hope
they catch those men. Have you told the
police about the other bank who wanted to loan
you the drug money? Let me know. Things
are going well here in San Marco. I’m really
enjoying my vacation. I've had some crazy
hallucinations that old people were young,
and two wild and over-amorous sisters are
making an invalid out of me. I wish
I could call my mother and tell her I’m okay,
but it wouldn’t be wise. Even if you called her,
I’m sure those men would find out and it
could lead back to me. I think it's time for me
to get back home. I'm also starting to feel
attracted to a girl here and I'd better leave
before I get involved. I assume the money cleared?
Let me know. Ciao, Marco. P.S. Do me a favor.
See what you can find out about a Floral Corporation.
They own the vineyard here.

INT. COTTAGE BEHIND ANTONIO'S HOUSE -- DAY
Mark reads a return message from Nino Lombardo

NINO
Greetings Marco - Unfortunately, there is a hold
on my money. I don't understand. What
should I do? I'll wait for your instructions. By
the way, the Floral Corporation wants
out of the wine business. They're planning
on building a golf course. Ciao, Nino.

INT. NINO'S BANK -- DAY

Nino reading return letter from Mark.

MARK
Nino - I tried to call my V.P. at her apartment
from a public phone. I don't think those
men know anything about her. I trust her
implicitly. Unfortunately, it's the weekend
and haven't been able to reach her. I'll keep
trying. I'll get to the bottom of this.
I'll keep you posted. Find out what kind
of money the Floral Corporation want for
the winery. Ciao Marco

Nino kicks the soccer ball that hits another vase that SHATTERS.

INT. SHANNON HILL'S APARTMENT - BEVERLY HILLS - NIGHT

Shannon lounging, reading a magazine. Her telephone RINGS.

SHANNON
Hello.

MARK
Shannon, this is Mark.

SHANNON
Mark! Ah...How are you, Mark.

MARK
I'm okay. You sound surprised to hear from me.

SHANNON
I just didn't expect a call me at home.

MARK
Look. Someone's put a hold on the funds
for Mr. Lombardo. Do you know anything about it?

SHANNON
No. It sounds like it could be a computer
glitch or something.

MARK
Well, find out what the problem is and
resolve it as fast as you can.

SHANNON
I'll get right on it, tomorrow.

MARK
Is everything all right at the bank?

SHANNON
Everything is running smoothly. No problems
at all. Where are you?

MARK
I'm visiting my relatives in a town called
San Marco in Lamis. However, don't tell a soul.
Not even my family. As soon as Lombardo's
money clears, I'll be on my way home. I'll
call you in a day or so. Take care.

SHANNON
All right, I'll wait for your call.

Shannon hangs up, contemplates a few seconds, DIALS.

SHANNON
I'd like to place a person-to-person call to Rome, Italy.

INT. CARMINE BELLANAZZO'S APARTMENT - ROME - NIGHT

Carmine Bellanazzo in a colorful robe, sipping wine and listening to opera MUSIC. Phone RINGS, Carmine answers.

CARMINE
Hello.

SHANNON
This is Shannon Hill. Mark Monaco just
called me. I thought you had him incommunicado
in Sicily? Under the circumstances, I can't
keep a hold on Lombardo's money any longer.

CARMINE
Marco just called you? That's impossible!
Are you positive?

SHANNON
Absolutely.

CARMINE
He must have escaped.

SHANNON
Well, he didn't sound flustered or anything.
He sounded very calm.

CARMINE
I'll get to the bottom of this. Did he say where he was?

SHANNON
He said he was visiting relatives in San Marco in Lamis.

CARMINE
My men told me they have him in Sicily.
Tell you what. Hold the money back
three more days till I find out what's
going on. I'll send you another 25 thou.

SHANNON
I don't know if I can do that now.
It's going to be difficult now that Mark is
back on the scene.

CARMINE
Will it be a little easier to hold the
money back if I send you 35 thousand
dollars right now?

SHANNON
I think I can handle the stress.

INT. SECLUDED HOUSE SICILY - DAY

Dominick Perky, Lupini, Chi Chi play cards. Tina Lucia sits next to Dominick running her fingers through his hair with a look of sincere love. Dominick lays his cards down.

DOMINICK
Full house. I win again.

LUPINI
Don't you ever lose?

Dominick kisses Tina, pulls in the pot, Lupini and Chi Chi grimace. Phone RINGS, Lupini answers.

LUPINI
Hi, boss. What's that? Of course, we
have Marco Monaco. Okay, okay.
(HANGS UP)

CHI CHI
What did the boss want?

LUPINI
A picture of the card shark. He wants me
to bring it to him pronto. He seems really
bent out of shape.

DOMINICK
I'm camera shy. Just tell your boss
that I'm Marco Monaco.

Lupini gets a Polaroid camera. Dominick puts his hands over his face. chi-chi holds Dominick's hands away from his face, Lupini takes pictures.

EXT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE - DAY

Mechanic, Dino Pontani, coasts the sharp-looking 1981 Yugo to the front of Antonio's house. Gets out, hurries into a car that followed him, SPEEDS away.

INT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

Antonio hears a door SLAM, a car DRIVE away, and walks outside. Sees the Yugo, walks around the car admiring it, surprised how good it looks, gets in and PEELS OUT.

Giuseppe and Umberto walking a few blocks away. Antonio SCREECHES his car to a stop. The sons jump in surprise.

ANTONIO
Hop in. Let's go for a ride in my beautiful Yugo.
I love this car.

Brothers admire car, get in, Antonio SCREECHES away.

INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

Driving erratically, Antonio swerves around corners, just misses cars and people.

UMBER
Papa, take it easy. You might hurt someone.

ANTONIO
Don't be ridiculous. I'm a good driver.

Antonio misses a MAN who shakes his fist at Antonio.

UMBER
This car can really move.

GIUSEPPE
I never expected this, papa.

UMBER
Me neither. Dino did a great job, Papa.

ANTONIO
Of course, he did. I told him I'd give
him a five-percent discount on his funeral
when he dies.

UMBER
You're all heart, Papa.

GIUSEPPE
Oh, look. There's Mario Sticco's house.

EXT. MARIO'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

Mario's house sits on top of a small hill. Antiquated cannon sits on the front lawn. Yugo SCREECHES to a stop.

INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS

ANTONIO
Look at that decrepit cannon on his front lawn.
It's a disgrace.

UMBER
Papa, he's had it since he came back from the
Spanish Civil War in 1936.

ANTONIO
Yeah, but when is he gonna get rid of it?

GIUSEPPE
Probably never.

UMBER
Mario has quite a view. I never
noticed before, but you can see our
house down the hill from here.

They all look at their house as the rooster chases the chickens and the goat grazes on Antonio's lawn.

ANTONIO
Does Mario still shoot the cannon on Garibaldi Day?

UMBER
Yes.

ANTONIO
It's a wonder he doesn't kill himself.

GIUSEPPE
He doesn't put much gunpowder in it.
If he did, the cannon would probably
blow up and kill him.

ANTONIO
(eyebrows raise)
Really. By coincidence, isn't tomorrow Garibaldi Day?

UMBER
Yes, it is, Papa.

EXT. MARIO'S HOUSE - LATE NIGHT

Antonio sneaks up to Mario's house, pours a bucket of gunpowder into Mario's cannon and packs it in tight. He accidentally DROPS the bucket. Caesar rushes out of Mario's house, Antonio runs. Caesar chases him BARKING. Neighborhood dogs join in the chase also BARKING. A MAN comes out of his house and SHOOTS at Antonio thinking him a burglar. House lights turn on throughout the neighborhood as the chase and BARKING continues. Antonio gets home and CRASHES into his kitchen quickly locking the door behind him.

EXT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE - NEXT MORNING

Antonio polishing his car outside the house. He looks up at Mario's house, smiles deviously. Walks back into the house.

INT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

Giuseppe, Umberto at the kitchen table drinking coffee, Antonio enters.

ANTONIO
Where are you two going?

UMBER
To church, Papa. I'm serving mass with
Father Michael. Why not come with us?
Mama and Gina are there helping decorate
the church. We can celebrate Garibaldi Day together.

GIUSEPPE
I'm going, too. Come with us, Papa.

ANTONIO
No, I think I'll stay here and keep polishing
my car and hear goombah Mario shoot off
his cannon. It'll bring back those fond memories
of being rejected by the army.

EXT. MARIO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Mario dressed in his timeworn army uniform with several medals on his chest. He loads a small portion of gunpowder into the cannon. He strains as he lifts a small cannon ball into the cannon. He strikes a wooden match, lights the fuse, slowly backs away, stands at attention, salutes. Caesar cover his ears with his paws.

EXT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

Antonio sits in his Yugo, proudly polishing the dash board. A WHISTLING SOUND is heard that gets LOUDER and LOUDER. Antonio's eyes open wide as an EXPLOSION rocks the car.

Giuseppe and Umberto run out of the house. Antonio GROANS from inside the car. Giuseppe and Umberto rush to the smoldering wreckage. The car SHUDDERS and the driver's door FALLS OFF. Antonio staggers out, his face covered with soot and looks at the smoking car in disbelief. Slowly, he looks up at Mario on the hill and waves his fist as Mario feebly BLOWS taps on his bugle and Caesar YOWLS.

INT. CARMINE BELLANAZZO'S SUITE - ROME - NIGHT

Lupini hands Polaroid picture of Dominick to Carmine.

CARMINE
Who's this skinny runt?

LUPINI
Why, it's Marco Monaco.

Carmine sneers, walks to the TV, flips on his VCR. Picture shows Mark interviewed by TV reporter, Carlo Vinto, when he arrived in Rome.

CARLO VINTO
Signore. My name is Carlo Vinto. I host a
TV show called First Visit to Rome.
Is this your first visit?

MARK
Yes, it is.

CARLO VINTO
May I have a few words with you?

MARK
Sure. Why not.

REPORTER
May I ask your name, Signore?

MARK
Mark Monaco.

CARLO VINTO
Ah, you're American, but you're Italian, too. No?

MARK
Yes, my parents were born in San Marco in Lamis,
in Southern Italy.

CARLO VINTO
Wonderful. What brought you to Rome?

MARK
I'm here on business and to see the
beauty of Italy. And, I hope to go to
San Marco and meet my relatives for the first time.

CARLO VINTO
Ah, you haven't forgot your Italian roots.
I'm sure they'll greet you with open arms.
On behalf of the citizens of Rome I want
to welcome you and wish you a very pleasant
visit. Thank you, Signore.

Mark nods to Carlo Vinto and walks away. Carmine angrily snaps off the VCR.

CARMINE
(furious)
That's Marco Monaco!

LUPINI
But how can that be?

CARMINE
You kidnapped the wrong man, you idiot!
Now get to San Marco in Lamis and kidnap
the real Marco Monaco.

LUPINI
Now I know why the runt kept saying his
name was Dominickk Perky and that he
was a canary trainer. What should I do with him?

CARMINE
Throw the son-of-a-bitch out!

INT. SECLUDED HOUSE SICILY - NIGHT

Tina giving Dominick a back rub; Dominick PURRS in ecstasy. Lupini bursts through the door.

LUPINI
You impostor! You not Marco Monaco!
You're really Dominickk Perky!

DOMINICK
That's what I tried to tell you, but you
wouldn't believe me. So, I was who you wanted me to be.

Lupini yanks Dominick up to his feet.

LUPINI
Get the hell out of here before I take
you across the street to the cemetery and
blow your brains out.

Dominick hurries to the door nervously WHISTLING like a canary.

TINA
Wait Mark, I mean, Dominick. Whatever
your name is. I'm going with you. I love
you. I wanna have your baby.

Lupini and Chi Chi give Tina a pathetic look, shake their heads. Tina takes Dominick's arm. Dominick runs the top of his fingers under his chin at the gangsters (Italian gesture of scorn), then turns and struts out the door with Tina. Chi Chi stares in disbelief.

LUPINI
(to Chi Chi)
Don't just stand there. Get packed. We're
going to San Marco in Lamis.

INT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Bandaged from the car explosion, Antonio plays cards, drinks wine with friends. Men look at their cards shifty-eyed.

ANTONIO
I bet a 100 lire. Are you in or out, Dr. Limosani?

DR. LIMOSANI
I think you're bluffing, Antonio,

Doctor, other men put in their money, Antonio deals.

LUIGI
Too bad Mario blew up your car, Antonio.
You're lucky he didn't blow up your house.

ANTONIO
Shut up and play cards, Luigi.

PASQUALE
Is everyone here going to Mario's 100th
birthday party?

DR. LIMOSANI
I wouldn't miss it.

ANTONIO
Enough about Mario. I bet 300 lire. Put up or shut up.

DR. LIMOSANI
Here's your 300, Antonio, and I'll raise you two hundred.

The doctor puts money in the pot. Antonio begrudgingly puts his money in. Other men pass, throw in cards, POUR wine.

ANTONIO
You must be drunk to raise me.

DR. LIMOSANI
I am drunk. I deserve to relax. I delivered
triplets to the Bordinoro family today.

ANTONIO
That's all we need in town, more people.
Doesn't anyone ever die?

PASQUALE
Did you ever stop to think that the first
one to die after all this time could be you, Antonio?

LUIGI
If that happens, you can bury yourself, Antonio.

Men LAUGH at unsmiling Antonio. Losing some of his coordination, Dr. Limosani spills his glass of wine on the floor. Antonio puts some rags on floor, pours the doctor more wine.

PASQUALE
I'll tell you, the old ones are terrified they're all
going to die because the vineyard is closing down.

ANTONIO
Yeah, that would really be terrible, wouldn't it.
-- I've got three queens!

Antonio lays down his cards and starts to take the pot.

DR. LIMOSANI
Wait a minute, Antonio, three kings.

Antonio in anguish, doctor smiles, pulls in the pot.

LUIGI
I wonder how old Caesar is?

PASQUALE
He's pretty old. I heard that Mario puts a bowl
of wine next to his bowl of water everyday and Caesar
drinks it. So who knows?

ANTONIO
Enough about Mario. Deal!

Pasquale shuffles, deals cards. KNOCK at the door. Antonio frowns, walks to door, half way, he turns around.

ANTONIO
And when I come back, I don't wanna hear
another word about Mario Sticco!

Antonio opens the door, Mario stands in the doorway, shaking.

MARIO
(GASPS)
I ran out of wine. Give me a good funeral, goombah.

Mario crumples into Antonio's arms, Antonio lays him down on the living room floor (next to a sofa chair with round legs).

ANTONIO
Dr. Limosani! Hurry! It's Mario!
It looks like he's dying!

Dr. Limosani, Luigi, and Pasquale stagger to the living room. The doctor kneels down.

DR. LIMOSANI
Get back so I can examine him.

Unseen by the three men, the doctor reaches for Mario's wrist lying next to one of the round legs of the sofa chair. Looking at his wrist watch, the doctor mistakenly holds the leg of the sofa chair thinking he's taking Mario's pulse. The doctor shakes his head dejectedly. Fighting to keep his equilibrium, the doctor stands...

DR. LIMOSANI
Mario is dead. He has about as much pulse as
that chair next to him.

The men look at Mario sadly, then...

ANTONIO
(ecstatic)
Oh, my God! We're finally gonna have a
funeral in San Marco!

Men look in disbelief as Antonio dances around the room.

INT. BASEMENT - LATER

Smiling, Antonio circles Mario's body lying on a table.

ANTONIO
Now I won't have to make believe I've
kidnapped Marco. I'll just call his mama
and say Marco escaped and not to send the money.
(thinks)
On second thought, why do that?

Antonio opens a cabinet with his back to Mario. He hears a MOAN and turns around slowly. He studies motionless Mario and shrugs. He takes a bottle of embalming fluid from the cabinet and finds it's empty. He tries all the bottles with same result. He looks at Mario, shakes his head.

ANTONIO
Tough luck, goombah. All the embalming fluid h
as evaporated after all these years. Come
to think about it, no one's gonna notice if
you're embalmed or not, because you've
looked embalmed for the last thirty years.

EXT. COTTAGE BEHIND ANTONIO'S HOUSE - MORNING

Lena Pazzerello sneaks up to the cottage, opens the door.

INT. COTTAGE

Lena sees Mark in bed. She enters and jumps on top of Mark. Groggy, Mark fights his way out of bed.

MARK
Lena! How did you find me?

LENA
It took a while.

MARK
What are you doing here?

LENA
Luna is two ahead of me.

MARK
What are you talking about?

EXT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE - CONTINUING

Gina exits her house, walks toward the cottage.

INT. COTTAGE

Gina sees Mark with his pajama top ripped fighting off Lena, who is now trying to pull off his pajama bottoms.

GINA
Excuse me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

MARK
No, no! You're not interrupting. Come in! Come in!

GINA
Are you sure?

MARK
Yes. Please, don't leave, Gina.

LENA
Get lost, Gina.

GINA
What are you doing here, Lena?!

LENA
What does it look like I'm doing?

GINA
It looks like Mark doesn't want you to do that.

LENA
Stay out of this, Gina.

Gina gently tries to pull Lena away from Mark. Lena shoves Gina away. Angry, Gina grabs Lena and they fight. Mark tries to break them up as they all comically wrestle around the room. Gina finally pulls Lena to the door and pushes her out.

MARK
(feigned sincerity)
I don't know what would have happened if
you hadn't of showed up. I hardly know her.

GINA
Her and her sister have a problem. However,
I saw you fighting her off, You have dignity, Marco.

MARK
(guilty look)
Thanks.

EXT. LAW OFFICE - DAY

Sign reads, "Mr. GIOVANNI D'ANGELO - ATTORNEY AT LAW."

INT. ATTORNEY D'ANGELO'S OFFICE

Caesar sits in a chair beside MR. D'ANGELO eating a doggie biscuit. Antonio and Domenica enter, sit across from Mr. D'Angelo, Domenica WEEPS, Antonio grimaces at Caesar.

ANTONIO
Why is that cursed dog here?

Caesar GROWLS at Antonio. Antonio gives Caesar "up yours" gesture with fist and arm. Mr. D'Angelo shakes his head.

MR. D'ANGELO
I'll explain Caesar shortly. My deepest
sympathies, Domenica.

DOMENICA
Thank you, Mr. D'Angelo. Mario was a good man.

MR. D'ANGELO
Yes, he was. Antonio, I must say, this reading
is very irregular. Mario only died last night.

ANTONIO
And I may die today. Just read!

Mr. D'Angelo frowns, picks up the will

MR. D'ANGELO
Well, according to the will, Domenica will
receive 360 million lire in cash, his stocks and
bonds, valued at 120 million lire and his house.

Antonio smiles, rubs his hands in anticipation.

ANTONIO
When do we get the money?

MR. D'ANGELO
Not for a while.

ANTONIO
What do you mean?

MR. D'ANGELO
Actually...Mario left everything to his dog, Caesar.
After Caesar goes to doggie heaven, Domenica
gets everything. That is, on the condition that
Caesar dies of natural causes.

D'Angelo smiles, pats Caesar, Caesar BARKS, wags his tail.

ANTONIO
(livid)
This is insane! We'll contest the will!

MR. D'ANGELO
It won't do any good. The will is legal and binding.

ANTONIO
Then I'll strangle the dog.

Caesar GROWLS. Again, Antonio gives Caesar obscene gesture.

MR. D'ANGELO
I wouldn't do that, Antonio. You see, if the
dog dies by foul play, or if it even appears
that he did, or disappears mysteriously, the
money then goes to the church.

ANTONIO
The church? That's sacrilegious!
(loses it)
Now, I'll have to kidnap Marco, after all.

MR. D'ANGELO
What?

ANTONIO
I mean, try to keep my nephew in San Marco,
so maybe he can help me figure out what do.
He's a very smart man.

MR. D'ANGELO
The best thing you can do is pray to St. Francis
every day, and make sure nothing happens to Caesar.

Furious, Antonio again gives Caesar an offensive gesture. Caesar GROWLS, jumps off the chair and stalks Antonio, who gets up, walks slowly backward toward the door.

MR. D'ANGELO
Wait, Antonio. You owe me 12 hundred lire for today.

Antonio gives Mr. D'Angelo the "up yours" gesture.

ANTONIO
Get it from the damn dog! He's got all the money!

Antonio runs out the door as Caesar BARKS and chases him.

INT. CHURCH - MARIO'S WAKE - NIGHT

MOURNERS view Mario's body. Antonio, Domenica, Gina, Mark, Umberto, and Giuseppe sit in the front pew. Bernardo and Guido, sit nearby watching Mark, who is totally unaware of the plot to keep him in San Marco, he still wonders about Bernardo and Guido always following him.

DOMENICA
It's so sad.

ANTONIO
It sure is. That stupid lawyer said he's not
sure how to pay me for the funeral. He
says it might be more legal if I make
the bill out to Caesar.

DOMENICA
How can you think of money at a time like this?

ANTONIO
I always think of money. Oh, no.
Here comes my brother.

Father Michael approaches Antonio and Domenica.

FATHER MICHAEL
Good evening Domenica, Antonio.

DOMENICA
Good evening, Father Michael.

ANTONIO GRUNTS

FATHER MICHAEL
I'm very sorry for you loss, Domenica.

DOMENICA
Thank you, Father Michael.

FATHER MICHAEL
(looks at Mario)
I must compliment you, Antonio. Mario
looks exactly like he did when he
was alive. It almost appears like you
didn't do anything to him. Excellent job.

ANTONIO
I spared no expense.

FATHER MICHAEL
How come he's in a wooden coffin and not a casket?

ANTONIO
No one's died in San Marco for seven years.
What am I supposed do, keep caskets on hand
for the undead? I'll tell you one thing, I hope this is a trend.

Father Michael shakes his head, walks to a small altar, makes the sign of the cross, and prays in Latin. Suddenly, a MOAN is heard. Everyone looks around trying to locate the source. Unable to locate the source, they look at Mario, see him stoic, shrug and continue to pray.

INT. FRONT ROOM ANTONIO'S HOUSE - NEXT AFTERNOON

Antonio looks around to make sure he's alone, goes to the phone, DIALS.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Unknown to Antonio, Gina enters the back door quietly with flowers, sorts them, and hears Antonio on the phone.

ANTONIO
Hello, Mrs. Monaco. Did you send the ransom
money for Marco's kidnappers, yet? They're
getting mad. It's been a week now and they
said if they don't get the money soon,
they'll do something to Marco.

Gina bewildered, edges quietly toward the front room.

JOSEPHINE
I mailed the money this morning
just as you instructed.

ANTONIO (to phone)
Good. I'll call you when I get the ransom money
and get Marco safely away from the kidnappers. Ciao.

Antonio HANGS UP then DIALS again.

INT. POOL HALL - CONTINUOUS

Bernardo and his buddy, Guido, shooting pool. Phone RINGS. Bernardo answers.

ANTONIO
Bernardo, this is Antonio. I just talked
to Marco's mother. She finally sent the
ransom money. It'll be here soon. Just
make sure Marco doesn't leave town before
the money arrives.

BERNARDO
Okay. But I'm still worried he may call
his mother and discover what we've done.
In that case, he could call the police
and have us arrested.

ANTONIO
Okay. If you're that worried that he may
call his mother, blow up the main telephone
transformer outside of town.

BERNARDO
What!? Are you crazy?

INT. KITCHEN ANTONIO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

As Antonio talks, Gina sneaks away. She hurries to the back cottage looking for Mark but can't find him. She hurries to the church and then through town looking for him.

EXT. PIAZZA BOCCIE COURT - CONTINUOUS

Mark playing boccie ball with OLD ITALIANS. MAN PLAYS accordion, SINGS. Mark throws ball awkwardly, grimaces, shrugs, throws next ball for good position, men smile, shake his hand. An OLD MAN pours Mark some wine, all toast.

Frantic, Gina sees Mark playing boccie, runs to him.

MARK
Gina, what's wrong?

Gina pulls Mark away from the men.

GINA
(breathless)
I've been trying to find you for hours.
My father is planning to kidnap you.
Your mother's already sent the ransom money and...

MARK
What are you talking about?

GINA
Antonio has plotted with someone to keep
you in town. They're going to blow up the
telephone transformer so you can't call your mother.

MARK
That's outrageous. I never planned on calling
my mother. We'd better call the police and tell them.

They hurry to a phone booth, Mark puts in COINS, DIALS. An EXPLOSION is heard. Mark and Gina look at each other in disbelief. Mark CLICKS the phone several times.

GINA
It looks like they've already blew up the
telephone transformer.

Mark and Gina walk in silence.

MARK
So, I'm supposed to be kidnapped.

GINA
Yes. The best thing you can do is not let
Antonio and those men know that you are
aware of it. Just play along until we can
think of some way to get you out of town.

MARK
I guess you're right. I wondered why
those two goons were always following me.
They're probably the same men who just blew up
the telephone lines.

EXT. DESERTED FIELD OUTSIDE SAN MARCO - NIGHT

HELICOPTER lands. Carmine Bellanazzo's gangsters, Lupini and Chi Chi, get out, helicopter FLIES away. Car meets the men, men enter car, car SCREECHES away toward town.

INT. HOTEL COCKTAIL LOUNGE - LATER

Music PLAYS, people dance happily. Mark, Gina sip wine silently at table, watch Bernardo, Guido across the room watching them.

Lupini and Chi Chi enter, look around. Mark sees them, hides his face behind a menu.

MARK
Gina, you see those two men who just came in?

GINA
You mean those mean-looking men?

MARK
Yes. They tried to kidnap me when I arrived in Rome
and I bet they're here to try it again.

GINA
Marco, what are you talking about?

MARK
I have a confession. I'm not a bank teller,
I'm a bank president. I came to Italy to
loan another banker millions of dollars, and
those men tried to kidnap me so I wouldn't.

GINA
Is this the truth?

MARK
Yes.

GINA
We should go to the police.

MARK
You're right. Let's go.

Mark and Gina sneak from the lounge followed by Bernardo and Guido, while the Lupini and Chi Chi keep looking for Mark.

EXT. POLICE STATION

Mark, Gina enter police station, Bernardo, Guido hurry away.

INT. SAN MARCO POLICE STATION

Indifferent, CAPTAIN RANDAZZO listens to Mark and Gina as he swats flies with a fly swatter.

CAPTAIN RANDAZZO
Look. I've got some maniac out there who
blew up the phone lines to town earlier.
And I'm short on manpower. Now you want
me to arrest two men who just came to town
who, maybe, are going to kidnap you.

MARK
Actually, there are four men who are trying to kidnap me.
Two of them are right here in town.

CAPTAIN RANDAZZO
(shakes his head)
Do you suffer from paranoia?

MARK
No, I don't suffer from paranoia!

CAPTAIN RANDAZZO
Well, until one or more of the four do
kidnap you, I can't do anything.

MARK
So what are you going to do after they kidnap me?

CAPTAIN RANDAZZO
I'll arrest them. That's how the law works.

MARK
But you won't know where they've taken me.

CAPTAIN RANDAZZO
(total confidence)
Randazzo always get his man.

Mark, Gina look at each other in futility.

CAPTAIN RANDAZZO
I can put you in jail for the night,
if you feel in danger.

MARK
I don't want to go to jail, I want you to put
those men who are trying to kidnap me in jail.

Capt. Randazzo turns his attention to some mosquitoes flying nearby and swats wildly. Mark and Gina watch passively.

GINA
Let's go, Mark. I have an idea.

EXT. POLICE STATION

Outside, Mark and Gina look around for Bernardo and Guido. Satisfied they are alone, they hurry away.

INT. CHURCH SCHOOL - LATER

Mark and Gina in the costume room. Gina searches in a box.

MARK
What are you looking for?

Gina pulls out a wig, a beard, and a large mustachio. She helps Mark put on the disguises.

INT. CHURCH - NEXT. DAY

Mario's funeral mass at church.

Antonio, Domenica, Gina, Giuseppe and Umberto in first pew of church. Mark sits behind Gina in his disguise. Father Michael says mass, Umberto assists. Mario's coffin is open in the aisle for all to see.

Bernardo and Guido enter the church, followed by Lupini and Chi Chi. The four men walk down aisles looking for Mark. Mark watches the men nervously.

Suddenly, a sorrowful MOAN is heard. Bewildered mourners look around for the source and then look at Mario. An OLD MAN stands, walks to coffin, studies Mario, shrugs to mourners, mourners relieved, continue to pray.

EXT. CHURCH - CONTINUOUS

Mass over, the mourners and Caesar walk behind a donkey cart carrying Mario's coffin. Mark walks behind Gina, unrecognized. Band follows PLAYING funeral music. Bernardo and Guido walk among mourners still searching for Mark.

Lupini and Chi Chi join in the procession asking people questions about Mark. Mark looks with alarm as he finds himself walking between Bernardo and Guido on one side and Lupini and Chi Chi on the other side. Procession stops at Antonio's house, where the mourners enter.

INT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Wine is poured. Mark and Gina, hurry through the house and out the back door. Mourners toast farewell to Mario.

FATHER MICHAEL
To Mario, on his journey to paradise.

All toast and drink. Bernardo, Guido, Lupini and Chi Chi look for Mark in the house, unaware of each other's intentions. Not finding Mark, the men walk outside in different directions searching for Mark around the house.

EXT. FRONT OF ANTONIO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

The donkey pulling Mario's coffin, leisurely walks from front of the house to Mark's back cottage to eat some flowers. Caesar follows.

INT. BACK COTTAGE - CONTINUOUS

Mark sees the donkey cart and coffin outside his window.

MARK
Gina, look! The donkey cart!

GINA
It's just like Madame Indovina said. Hurry.
This is your chance to get out of town.
You can take the dirt road behind the
cottage. No one ever uses it any more.
It will take you under the bridge and
toward Bari where you can catch a plane.
Hurry, we have to take Mario's coffin off the cart.

EXT. COTTAGE - CONTINUOUS

Mark and Gina exit the house, try to lift Mario's wooden coffin off the donkey cart.

GINA
It's too heavy, Marco.

MARK
It looks like we have to take Mario's body out
of the coffin and take it inside first.

Gently, Mark lifts Mario's body from the coffin and carries it into the house as Gina slides the top back over the coffin. Caesar follows, tail wagging.

INT. COTTAGE - CONTINUOUS

They carry Mario into the bedroom, lift him gently onto the bed and cross his arms gently. Caesar jumps on the bed and snuggles next to Mario.

MARK
I feel terrible about this.

GINA
Me, too. But we had no choice. Let's go get
the coffin off the cart so you can leave.

Gina and Mark hurry back toward the kitchen door. See Lupini and Chi Chi looking inside. They back away and lock the door quietly. Men try to open the door. Unable to, the men walk back to the Monaco house frustrated by the fact they can't find Mark, then get into a car on the street and drive away.

EXT. COTTAGE - CONTINUOUS

Lupini and Chi Chi gone, Mark and Gina hurry outside, begin to take wooden coffin off of the cart as VOICES can be heard.

VOICES
Where's the cart! Where's Mario?

With nowhere to hide, Mark jumps into the coffin. Gina quickly slides the top of the coffin over Mark. A MAN approaches, leads the donkey back to the front as mourners assemble behind the cart. Father Michael, leads the procession toward the cemetery. Domenica and the old women WEEP loudly. Gina joins the procession wondering what to do.

EXT. CEMETERY

The procession arrives at the cemetery. Pallbearers take the coffin off the cart, lay it beside an empty grave. Gina looks on nervously. Father Michael PRAYS aloud. When he's done, he motions men to lower the coffin into the ground. Suddenly, a loud KNOCK is heard from inside the coffin. Startled, the men quickly back away. Mourners GASP, also back away in fear. The lid of the coffin RATTLES, starts to open.

Pandemonium, as mourners, including Antonio, SCREAM, run from the gravesite believing Mario has returned from the dead. Domenica faints. Gina, Giuseppe, Umberto and Father Michael try to revive her. Mark stands out of the coffin.

FATHER MICHAEL
Marco! What were you doing in there?
Where's Mario?

MARK
Gina will explain later.

GINA
Get on the cart, Marco. I'll have to show
you how to handle the donkey.

Mark jumps on the cart, Gina gets on, takes
the reins. Mark waves farewell to the family.
Confused, Father Michael, Umberto, Giuseppe
wave good-bye as Mark and Gina RIDE away.

Exhausted from running away from the cemetery, Antonio finally turns around and sees Mark and Gina on the cart driving away. Realizing he's been duped, he runs back toward the gravesite.

EXT. MARK'S COTTAGE -- CONTINUOUS

See broken window in cottage door. Loud SCREAMS from inside. We see Bernardo and Guido running out of the cottage as resurrected Mario jogs out of the house (a little faster than usual) with tail-wagging Caesar BARKING behind him. Bernardo and Guido stumble, fall and crawl away in fear as Mario jogs past them.

Meanwhile, the terrified mourners, still running away from Mario's ghost at the cemetery, now behold Mario jogging straight at them. Women faint, fall to their knees, pray, others SCREAM, men run in terror.

Exhausted, Antonio arrives back at the gravesite unaware that Mario is running in his direction. Father Michael, Umberto and Giuseppe help Antonio to a chair. Domenica awakens from her fainting spell.

GIUSEPPE
Papa, can you explain all this?

ANTONIO
Marco hid in Mario's coffin so he could kidnap Gina.

FATHER MICHAEL
That's ridiculous. Gina drove the cart away.
She went of her own accord.

DOMENICA
But what happened to Mario?

ANTONIO
That heathen, Marco. He probably buried him somewhere.
We'll probably never see poor Mario again.

UMBERTO
(wide-eyed-points)
If Marco buried Mario, who's that
jogging straight toward us?

Mario jogs toward the family with tail-wagging Caesar behind him. Antonio looks in disbelief and once again flees, Domenica faints again, Giuseppe, Umberto motionless. As Mario jogs by Father Michael, Caesar BARKS hello.

With questioning look and outstretched arms, Father Michael looks to the heavens for an answer.

EXT. OLD BRIDGE - LATER

Mark and Gina on the cart under the old bridge. Gina brings the cart to a halt.

GINA
I think you can drive the donkey, now.

MARK
I think so.

GINA
This is probably the last time we'll ever see each other.

MARK
Thanks for you help. Why don't you come with
me and live in America for a while?

GINA
Thank you, but I could never leave my family,
my friends, my roots.

MARK
I don't know, but sometimes I think I belong here.

GINA
Your soul may be Italian, but you're American.
It's time for you to return home.

Gina jumps off the cart, hits the donkey, the donkey moves forward.

GINA
Just follow the dirt road. It will take you to Bari.
Handle that donkey like I told you. The donkey will
find its way back.

Mark and Gina wave goodbye. As Mark drives away, he looks at the beauty of the vineyards in the distance, then turns back for one last look at Gina, who is not there.

EXT. CEMETERY SAN MARCO - AFTERNOON - CONTINUING

Gina walks, stops at the grave of "Lucky" Monaco, reflects. Looks up at airplane FLYING in the sky and waves pensively.

EXT. ANTONIO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Looking totally exhausted from Mario's funeral, Antonio walks outside into his back yard. Suddenly, Lupini comes out of the bushes and holds a gun to Antonio's head.

LUPINI
Where's Marco Monaco?

ANTONIO
(terrified)
After he got out of Mario's coffin, he jumped
on a donkey cart and flew back to America.
Don't kill me!

Lupini and Chi Chi look at each other bewildered, shake Antonio. Put gun to Antonio's crotch. Antonio's wide-eyed.

LUPINI
Where's Marco Monaco?

ANTONIO
I'm telling you, after he got out of Mario's coffin,
he jumped on a donkey cart and flew back to America.
Honest. Don't kill me! Please.

CHI CHI
You'd better be telling the truth.
If not, we'll be back. Now go.

INT. KITCHEN ANTONIO'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Terrified, Antonio runs wildly back into the house.

DOMENICA
Antonio, what happened?

ANTONIO
(GASPING)
Two men were looking for Marco. They were gonna kill me.

Picks up phone, DIALS.

DOMENICA
Antonio, the phone's out of...

ANTONIO
(SHOUTS)
This is Antonio Monaco! I demand you send
the police to my house, immediately!

Suddenly, Captain Credenza and his SWAT TEAM CRASH through the front door, guns in hand. Credenza handcuffs bewildered Antonio. Dominicka petrified. Police quickly RANSACK the house while Credenza frantically combs his moustachio.

CAPTAIN CREDENZA
Where is Marco Monaco?

ANTONIO
After he got out of Mario's coffin, he jumped
on a donkey cart and flew back to America.

Credenza combs his mustachio faster. Police finish the search, look at Captain Credenza and shrug.

CREDENZA
I'll give you one last chance, Antonio Monaco, to
tell me where he is. This time, I want the truth!

ANTONIO
I told you. After he got out of Mario's coffin,
he jumped on a donkey cart and flew back to America.

CREDENZA
Get this lunatic to Captain Randazzo at the police
station and tell the helicopter pilot we're staying
the night. I'm going to interrogate Antonio Monaco
until he confesses.

Police pull wild, protesting Antonio into police car, SCREECH away sirens BLASTING, Domenica SOBS.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS INTERNATIONAL BANK -- DAY

View of bank plaza, Tony's barber shop, PEOPLE milling about.

INT. BEVERLY HILLS INTERNATIONAL BANK -- DAY

Mark looking out the window, daydreaming. Jennifer Wong enters, puts folders on his desk.

MARK
By chance, has anyone heard anything
from Shannon Hill?

JENNIFER
No one. Like I told you, she came in the day
before you returned, cleaned out her desk, and just left.

Jennifer leaves. Mark opens folders starts to study them.

INT. JOSEPHINE MONACO'S HOME - NIGHT

Mark, his mother, Josephine; his brother, Vincent having dinner, Opera MUSIC plays softly in the B.G.

JOSEPHINE
I told you not to visit those people.
It's a wonder you weren't killed.

MARK
Can we talk about something else? I've been
back for three months and that's all
you want to talk about.

VINCENT
I told you we're not like the Italians anymore.
Pass the spaghetti, please.

Mark shakes his head, passes the spaghetti bowl.

MARK
I want you to know that most of the Monacos
are decent people.

JOSEPHINE
Well, Antonio Monaco has to be the most diabolic
and stupidest man I've every dealt with.

Doorbell RINGS. Vincent answers, returns with Felice.

VINCENT
Look who's here.

JOSEPHINE
Felice! How are you? Join us.

MARK
It's good to see you, Felice.

FELICE
Hello, everyone. Welcome back, Mark.

Mark stands, kisses Felice on the cheek.

MARK
I'm sorry about you and Guy breaking up.
Mother told me about it.

FELICE
Thank you, Mark.

Felice joins the family at the table and they continue dinner.

EXT. BACK YARD - LATER

MARK
So, how's business?

FELICE
My father made five million dollars last month.

MARK
(joking)
Is that all? How about you?

FELICE
More than I'll ever need.

MARK
I imagine you'd be a success at anything you'd do.

FELICE
I seem to be a failure at love.

MARK
Do you still think of Guy?

FELICE
Yes and no. How's your romance meter?

MARK
About the same as yours.

FELICE
I'll tell you though, I'm tired of being
in this downer situation?

MARK
Me, too. Well...you have any ideas?

FELICE
How you and I going some place and
having a drink?

MARK
Sure, why not? Any place special?

FELICE
Well, how about at Your Place or Mine?

Mark taken aback stares at Felice in surprise.

FELICE
(smiles)
I'm not that easy, Mark. Your Place or Mine
is a new restaurant in Malibu that opened recently.

Mark smiles sheepishly: SHOT: Mark and Felice laughing, enjoying each other's company at the restaurant.

MONTAGE SHOTS: Mark and Felice at dinner, at the tennis matches, at the polo games, at dinner parties, at the ballet- enjoying their common interests.

Felice driving Mark in her convertible along the coast. Mark and Felice on a hillside overlooking the ocean. They embrace and kiss.

Felice and Josephine shopping for a wedding gown.

INT. FELICE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Felice at her desk working. Doorbell RINGS. She gets up, opens the door. Guy looks at her solemnly. She slowly closes the door, but Guy puts his foot in the doorway.

GUY
May I come in?

FELICE
Why? So you can tell me about the last
girl you got pregnant?

GUY
I'm not like that any more. Please, let
me come in and explain.

FELICE
You explained everything when you
didn't come back.

GUY
I didn't come back because I had to
find out if I loved you.

FELICE
What! That's great! While you made you
mind, I cried! Was that fair?

GUY
No, but face it, Felice. You're an extremely
intimidating woman. It's not easy being in love
with someone like you. I've never been in a
relationship where I wasn't in charge.

Felice studies Guy a bit and slowly opens the door.

INT. BEVERLY HILLS BANK - DAY

Mark sits at his desk looking over documents, becomes bored, pushes document away, leans back, closes his eyes. Phone RINGS.

MARK
Hello

FELICE
Mark, this is Felice. I won't be able to make
dinner tonight. In fact, I'll be busy for
three or four days. I've got some important
business to take care of.

MARK
Work, work, work. You're worse than me.

FELICE
I'll call you when I have things completed.

MARK
Fine. Are you all right? You don't sound your
usual effervescent self.

FELICE
I'm fine. Take care. Goodbye.

Mark hangs up, contemplates the conversation and then shrugs.

Jennifer Wong enters and puts folders on his desk.

MARK
Anyone word from Shannon?

JENNIFER
No, I never told you this, it seemed unimportant,
but when she left, she said arrivederci
and sang in Italian.

Jennifer, smiles, leaves. Mark contemplates a bit.

MARK
(aloud to himself)
I wonder how much they paid you, Shannon?

INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS

Festive atmosphere, musicians PLAY and SING Italian songs on the stage. Mark sits at the bar.

GINO
Another drink, Mr. Monaco?

MARK
One more for the road, Gino.

GINO
You must really like this place. You're here
almost every night.

MARK
It's the atmosphere, Gino.

Carmine Bellanazzo from Rome and a group of MAFIA LOOKING types, sitting in a back booth talking clandestinely. As they talk, Carmine notices Mark sitting at the bar. He looks in surprise, and walks over to him.

CARMINE
Scusi, Signore Monaco. Allow me to introduce
myself. My name is Carmine Bellanazzo.
I believe you know my cousin, Nino Lombardo, in Rome.

MARK
Why, yes. So you're Nino's cousin. It's a
pleasure to meet you. How did you know me?

CARMINE
I saw you on a television show.

MARK
Oh, yes, the day I arrived in Rome. I'm
surprised we didn't meet in Rome.

CARMINE
To be honest, you'll never know how much
I wanted to meet you. I'm a banker, too.
I'm glad your business with Nino worked out so well.

MARK
Thanks you. I'm surprised Nino never mentioned you.
Maybe, we can do some business in the future.

CARMINE
Sounds good. I have to get back to my friends.
I just wanted to say hello. By the way, out of
curiosity...do you like canaries?

MARK
I've never had one. Why do you ask?

CARMINE
Just curious. Nice meeting you, Mr. Monaco. Ciao.

MARK
Same here, Mr. Bellanazzo. Give my
regards to Nino. Ciao.

CARMINE
Oh, don't worry, I will. He'll be quite
surprised when I tell him I meet you.

They shake hands and Carmine leaves. Mark watches as Carmine and the men in his booth stand and walk past him toward the door. As they do, Mark sees the two men who tried to kidnap in Rome walking with Carmine. The two men nod at Mark as they pass. Mark bewildered. Gino sees Mark's confusion.

GINO
Are you all right Mr. Monaco?

MARK
I must have drank too much or something.
I'm seeing things again. Can you order
me an antipasto? I'd better play it safe
and have a snack before I drive home.

GINO
Sure thing.

Gino walks away. Mark looks at the band as they PLAY. Three OLD MEN sitting between him and band, turn and wave at someone near Mark. Mark sees smiling faces of Antonio, Father Michael, and Mario waving at him. Mark shakes his head and rubs his eyes. Looks again, sees three, unfamiliar men talking to a waiter. Gino returns.

GINO
Your food will be right here. Are you sure
you're all right, Mr. Monaco?

MARK
I'm not sure.

Waiter brings Mark his antipasto. Mark takes a few bites then imagines he sees Gina in a waitress outfit. He jumps up and hurries after her.

MARK
Gina!

WAITRESS
(turns-smiles)
Sofia, Signore.

MARK
I'm sorry, I thought you were...

Mark returns to bar.

GINO
Don't you feel well, Mr. Monaco?

MARK
I don't know. It all started with Madame Indovina
and the Mask Dance.

INT. MARK'S APARTMENT - LATER

Holding his mail, Mark enters, sorts mail, finds a package from Italy, and quickly RIPS it open. He finds a letter and a CD with Bruno's smiling face on the front of it. Mark looks in disbelief then puts the CD into the CD player. He opens the letter and reads as Bruno SINGS.

GINA
Dear Marco. I am writing to thank you for the
check you sent to Mama for eight thousand
dollars. The church now has a fine statue of
St. Mark. Everyone is happy. I have something
amazing to tell you. Mario Sticco is alive.
You must have the hands of a saint. After you
took him out of the coffin, he came back to
life and scared the whole town, although, many
in town are not sure if Mario is still alive or a
ghost from the dead. Mario still jogs with Caesar
everyday. So, no one has died in San Marco, yet.

Mark stops reading, reminisces a few moments.

GINA
Umberto is at the seminary studying for the priesthood
and Giuseppe is getting married. Things are very
bad for those who lost their jobs at the vineyard.
It's still closed. However, the old ones who are
running out of wine are terrified that they are
going to die when they do. As you can see Bruno
has recorded his first album. He's now a big
star in Italy. He wrote and told me he's not
coming back. He said his career comes first. I hope
all is well with you. Enclosed is an invitation Giuseppe
wanted me to send you. With deep affection, Gina.

Mark opens the invitation.

GIUSEPPE
This is to announce the marriage of Giuseppe Monaco
and Anna Russo. You are cordially invited to attend.
The marriage will take place at St. Mark's Church,
October 12th. Father Michael Monaco and seminarian,
Umberto Monaco, will assist.

Mark sits back in thought as he listens to Bruno SING.

EXT. VINEYARD SAN MARCO, ITALY - DAY

Sign reads: "WINERY REOPENING CELEBRATION." Band PLAYS, people drink wine, dance. Antonio, Domenica, Giuseppe, his bride to be, Umberto and Gina in the crowd. Father Michael and dignitaries sit on a makeshift stage. Father Michael stands, walks to microphone, holds up his hands.

FATHER MICHAEL
This is a happy day for San Marco. God has
lifted the veil of darkness and shined his
light, once again, upon us. Of course, with the
help of the man who bought the winery.

People APPLAUD.

FATHER MICHAEL
I'm sorry I had to keep his identity secret,
but that's what he wanted. But now, I'd like
to introduce the new owner. A man whose family
once owned these vineyards many years
ago...my nephew, Mr. Marco Monaco.

Mark emerges from behind stage canopy, walks to Father Michael, they clasp hands, raise them high. Crowd CHEERS, APPLAUDS.

INT. CARMINE BELLANAZZO'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Police break into Carmine's apartment and arrest him, and Mark's vice-president, Shannon Hill, Carmine dressed in fancy pajamas and robe and Shannon dressed in her negligee and robe. Carmine has to be subdued by the police.

EXT. ROME - OUTDOOR CAFE - CONTINUOUS

Lupini and Chi Chi sip cappuccino. Slyly, several policemen surround the men and, after a scuffle, Lupini and Chi Chi are arrested and taken away.

EXT. VINEYARD - SAN MARCO - CONTINUOUS

Antonio SLAPS his forehead in anguish as he watches people shake Mark's hand and thank him and then stabs himself with invisible knife. Gina, Domenica and the Umberto, Giuseppe look on in surprise.

MARK
I just want to say that everyone will have
their same job back at the same wages. And I
vow that the San Marco Vineyard will never
close again, or become a golf course, as long as
I own them. Now, let's celebrate.

A BAND PLAYS as Mark steps off stage. Happy people shake his hand, and pat him on back as he walks toward Gina and the family. Smiling happily, Umberto, Giuseppe shake Mark's hand, Giuseppe introduces his future wife, Anna, Domenica kisses Mark on the cheek. Antonio hides behind Domenica. Gina, embraces Mark warmly.

MARK
It's good to see you all again.

GINA
I can't believe you're here.

MARK
I can't believe it either, but here I am.

DOMENICA
Welcome, Marco. God bless you for sending the money.

MARK
Your welcome, Domenica.
(to Antonio)
Hello, Antonio. I'm looking forward to talking to you.

Antonio Grunts

EXT. VINEYARD - LATER

Mark and Gina walking by themselves.

GINA
That was a wonderful thing you did for the town.

MARK
I did it for myself, too. I have this feeling
inside that, if I had grown up here in
San Marco, I would have owned the vineyard.

GINA
I think you're right.

MARK
I thought a lot about you while I was in America.

GINA
I thought about you, too.

MARK
Have you heard from Bruno?

GINA
No. Now that he's a big star I doubt if I ever will.

The sound of a HELICOPTER APPROACHING catches everyone's attention. Helicopter lands, Bruno jumps out. People look in surprise, run to Bruno. Bruno sees Gina, crowd follows as he struts to her. Bruno grabs Gina around the waist, kisses her.

BRUNO
This is your lucky day, Gina. I've come back
to ask you to marry me and to take
you to Rome with me.

GINA
Lucky day? You go away, tell me you're never
coming back, and then you show up and ask
me to marry you?

Bruno LAUGHS, grabs Gina, tries to kiss her again, Gina struggles to get away, Mark pulls Bruno away from Gina.

BRUNO
Ah, the Americano. I bet you've been telling
Gina all those lies about me. I'll have to teach you a lesson.

Bruno lifts his fists, dances around Mark.

MARK
(bewildered)
Bruno. What are you doing?

Bruno prances around Mark with comical footwork, jabs from a distance, smiles at the crowd, gets close to Mark, Mark SOCKS him once, Bruno collapses. Lena and Luna Pazzerello appear out of the crowd and help Bruno to his feet and back to the helicopter. They help Bruno into the helicopter and do not reappear as the helicopter TAKES OFF and flies away.

EXT. VINEYARD - CONTINUOUS

Mark and Gina alone once again, walking through the vineyards.

GINA
When will you be going back home?

MARK
I've decided to stay a while. After all, I just
bought a vineyard. My brother, Vincent,
is going to run the bank. Who knows,
I may meet a girl here, get married and
never go back.

Gina smiles shyly, interlocks here arms with Mark's and they walk back toward the celebration and join the crowd.

As they walk through the crowd, Dominick Perky and Tina Lucia, each holding a canary cage - their canaries singing happily - pass by Mark and Gina looking like two lovers.

Mark doesn't react to seeing Dominick immediately. But as recall comes, he turns around, but Dominick and Tina are gone. Mark smiles pensively.

Mark's attention turns to Mario who jogs by with Caesar. Caesar sees Antonio and chases him. Antonio flees, everyone LAUGHS. Mark and Gina stand arm-in-arm happily as we see a panorama of the celebration, the church bells ringing and the vineyards of San Marco.

THE END
©Library of Congress - ®WGAw

CAST

MARK MONACO - BEVERLY HILLS BANK PRESIDENT - IN SEARCH OF HIS ITALIAN HERITAGE - Goes to Italy on bank business and to visit relatives he has never seen.

JACQUELINE MONACO - MATRON OF THE MONACO FAMILY - Tells Mark not to visit Dr. Jeykell Mr. Hyde relatives in Italy.

VINCENT MONACO - MARK'S POMPOUS ATTORNEY BROTHER - Can't understand why Mark would want to go to Italy in search of his heritage.

GUY MONACO - MARK'S COUSIN - OLIVE OIL SALESMAN - Playboy (Subplot)

FELICE - GUY'S FIANCÉ - VERY WEALTHY - Breaks up with Guy, but eventually gets back with him. (Subplot)

SHANNON MILES - MARK'S VICE-PRESIDENT AT BANK - Casual relationship with Mark. Sells him out to unscrupulous Italian banker, CARMINE BELLANAZZO.

TONY - THE BARBER - Happy Italian from Italy. First To suggest to Mark Monaco that he should visit Italy and look up relatives.

ON AIRPLANE TO ITALY

DR. JAMAL KENABI - PROFESSOR OF GENEALOGY AT AFRICAN UNIVERSITY - Respects Mark for searching for his heritage.

IN ITALY

NINO LOMBARDO - BANKER IN ITALY DOING BUSINESS WITH MARK - Cherubic appearing man. Has done business with Mark several times. Honest, but….

ANTONIO MONACO - MARK'S UNCLE - MORTICIAN - Short in stature and patience - No one's died in town for seven years. Desperate for money. Plots to kidnap Mark - Italian style.

FATHER MICHAEL MONACO - ANTONIO'S BROTHER - MARK'S OTHER UNCLE - Most respected in town. Totally opposite of Antonio.

DOMENICA MONACO - ANTONIO'S WIFE - Loyal, religious wife - Wants Rock 'N' Roll singer, Bruno Zampezzi, to marry her niece, Gina.

GINA MONACO - NIECE, BUT LIKE A DAUGHTER TO DOMENICA WHO HAS ADAPTED AND RAISED HER. Mark falls in love with her, but has to return to America to escape being kidnapped by his Uncle Antonio and Carmine Bellanazzo.

BRUNO ZAMPEZZI - ROCK 'N' ROLL SINGER - Gina's unfaithful boyfriend.

GIUSEPPE MONACO - ANTONIO AND DOMENICA'S HANDSOME SON

UMBERTO MONACO - ANTONIO AND DOMENICA'S RELIGIOUS SON -Studying for the priesthood.

MARIO STICCO - DOMENICA'S 99-YEAR-OLD COUSIN - Antonio constantly tries to kill him so Domenica can inherit his money.

CAESAR - MARIO'S DOG - Constantly foils Antonio's every attempt to kill Mario.

CARMINE BELLANAZZO - MAFIA BANKER - Also plots to kidnap Mark so he can launder drug money at Nino Lombardo's bank.

DominickK Perky - CANARY TRAINER - Mistaken for Mark and kidnapped by Bellanazzo's henchmen.

KIDNAPPER 1 - WORKS FOR CARMINE BELLANAZZO - Holds Dominick Perky captive.

KIDNAPPER 2 - WORKS FOR CARMINE BELLANAZZO - Also holds Domenic Perky captive in Sicily.

LENA and LUNA PAZZERELLO - Sexy sisters who work in the grape fields. They make make a bet which one can sleep with Mark the most times.

BERNARDO - SHYLOCK (LARGE MAN) - Works in cahoots with Antonio on a unsuccessful kidnapping of Mark Monaco.

GUIDO - BERNARDO'S RIGHT HAND (SMALL MAN) Works with Bernardo.

MR. GIOVANNI D'ANGELO - ATTORNEY - READS MARIO'S WILL TO ANTONIO.

CAPTAIN NUNCIO CREDENZA - NERVOUS POLICE CAPTAIN IN BARI - Constantly combs his mustache with small mustache comb.

CAPTAIN RANDAZZO - POLICE CAPTAIN IN SAN MARCO - Small Part

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